I Can't
by ProfessorMMAD
Summary: my first Chelsie fic I hope you enjoy
1. I Can't part 1

They never talked about it. It didn't register as an option in their marriage. How was she going to tell him; would he be angry; would he be happy. She didn't know. She didn't even know if it was true. She had to wait till Monday when she had her half day. Was going to run into the village to discuss it with Dr. Clarkson. She was afraid that her lump was back bringing cancer along for the ride this time. This time it felt different a good different maybe? Even though she felt like she was knocking on deaths door.

Charles kept looking at her wishing she would let him in. all he wanted was to know what was wrong with his beloved wife. But that seemed too hard to ask when dealing the stubborn Scot.

Show would know on Monday.

What felt like an eternity was only two days but finally Monday came.

She left Downton with Mrs. Patmore by her side just like the first time. She knew it was wrong not to bring Charlie, but she was being selfish for once in her life and she wanted to be the one to break the news to her Charlie. So, taking Beryl Patmore was the next best thing. She couldn't face this alone and evens he could admit that.

Upon their arrival at the clinic a nurse directed them to an exam room where they were instructed to wait for Dr. Clarkson.

Twenty minutes later Dr. Clarkson arrived after some awkward small talk between the women and Elsie threatening to leave if Clarkson didn't show up soon.

"so, Mrs. Carson I hear you think your lump is back but with cancer this time" he stated not even sitting down wanting to get right to business as soon as possible.

"yes, well you see for the past few days now I've been feeling more tired than normal my breasts haven been abnormally sore and I've been throwin' up everythin' and anythin' I eat. Even though I really haven't been able to stomach a lot if any food at all. I hope that maybe it's just me going through the *cough* change but I have already done that" she whispered nervously

"well I can run a few tests if you'd like see what is wrong but I'm pretty sure that it sounds like you might be with child Mrs. Carson. Before you say it yes, it is possible for someone of any age to become pregnant it is just very unlikely once a woman goes through the change" Clarkson stated

"well I can assure you that I am not pregnant and under no circumstances can I become pregnant I was told that I was barren years ago when I was a wee lass that's why I even went into service" Elsie scoffed it was a wound she never knew how to heal and just the mere thought of having children or children in general hurt her more than she ever thought possible

"well the only way to know for sure is to run a test now I will need a urine sample in this cup for the test the loo is right around the corner whenever you are ready" he stated handing her a cup "now I know someone some time ago has told her that you couldn't have children and this may be painful for you but I need you to do this Mrs. Carson for your sake and for that of the child you may or may not be carrying"

"aye your right Dr. Clarkson" Elsie sniffed silently walking towards the lavatories

"Well that was better news then I thought it would be" Beryl said as they walked back to the abbey

"yes, it is but you mustn't tell anyone not even Mr. Carson not till I know for sure and even then, till I know for sure it will last" Elsie said turning towards her friend. She was in a trance of sorts as they walked towards the abbey towards her husband the man who may have or may not have given her everything she ever dreamed of in life. Even though she didn't know how she was going to tell Charlie she didn't know what to think or say or even do now.

She didn't plan this.

After doing what she was told she was told to go home and rest because they wouldn't have the results in for another week or so.

On the way back to the abbey she swore Mrs. Patmore to secrecy not wanting Charlie to know till they were certain that they were going to be parents.

When they reached the abbey, she let Carson know she was going to be in her old rooms resting and to kindly bring her up dinner when everyone was done before they headed for home that night. She saw the worry in his eyes so she soother him with and I'm fine you old booby and a sweet kiss before she headed upstirs to lie down. Truth be told she was tired.

Upon reaching her old rooms she laid down on her old bed. Pulling the covers to her chin she absent mindedly placed her hand on her stomach and started to stroke it in soothing circles with her finger tips ghosting over her abdomen. She began to hum an old tune her mam used to sing to her. She always wanted children, but her life and job always seemed to get in the way of her settling down.

But now with the prospect of having a child she was scared. She saw what had happened to Becky because of her mother's age. She didn't want that for her child she didn't want her child to suffer the same fate.Stop being so daft women.She chastised herself. She refused to believe she was pregnant without proof no matter how much she wanted to.

Despite telling herself it wasn't going to happen she started to talk to the possible unborn child.

"you know my love if you are real you're going to make your mammy the happiest women on earth. I just hope your da feels the same. Please be my little miracle the answer to all my prayers" Elsie whispered before falling asleep a few stray tears cascading down her porcelain cheeks

Later when Mr. Carson brought up a tray filled with food fit for two. waking her sweetly with a kiss.

"mmm Mr. Carson" she moaned waking from her slumber

"I brought us up some dinner my love" he whispered kissing her forehead brushing a strand of hair off her face.

"Mmmm" she mumbled as she turned over towards him with her hand still placed lovingly on her stomach. Truth be told she was having a wonderful dream of her and Charlie and a little baby laying in Charlie's arms as she gently brushed her finger tips through her bairn's hair. She was so happy but sadly it was only a dream.

"I am quite puckish" she stated sitting up against the head board.

"ah yes well I'm glad to hear your appetite is back" Mr. Carson grinned placing the try over her lap.

"I don't think it will last very long if I keep getting sick after everything eat" she sighed

"how did your appointment with Clarkson go to my love" Charles asked as they finished the tray of food

"well it didn't go as expected but I go back on Wednesday next week and I'm sure it will be good news for me" she replied smoothing her blanket as she stood to put on her shoes.

"what do you mean you have to go back Wednesday next week didn't he give you an answer" he sounded scared like he thought something was wrong

"well not exactly he gave me a possibility but let's not talk about this now I wish to get home and to bed" she said kissing his cheek and she passed by him on her way out the door

"as you wish M'lady" he said offering her his arm to begin the long track to their love nest as Mrs. Patmore so lovingly named it

Upon arriving home Mrs. Hughes bolted for the bathroom with a worried Carson standing stunned in the door way before he collected himself enough to go find out what was wrong with his wife.

"are you alright my darling" He called through the locked door

"I'm fine go away I don't wish for you to see me in this state" she whimpered in answer

"I don't care what state you ae in I am your husband and I love you and I wish to make sure you are okay in sickness and in health" he stated

"fine I guess you 'll find out any way" she said standing and walking towards the door opening it to see a worried Charles Carson standing against the door frame to steady himself

"find out what exactly? What did Clarkson tell you today" he questioned following her into the bedroom where she proceeded to strip and prepare for bed

"well yes but it is not certain yet so I shan't worry you about it" she replied turning her back to him "would you unhook me please" even though she had many years practice taking her corset off this brassiere this was still new to her and she found it was easier if her husband simply stripped her of it

"what is not certain, yet Elsie I must know, or I will go mad with worry" he stated standing in the middle of the bedroom his wife's brassiere in hand as Elsie pulled her nightgown over her head

"fine if ye must know then I'll tell ye" she stated walking up to him and grabbing his hand and placing it on her stomach "I'm Pregnant"

"but… but how" Charles asked after several minutes of stunned silence

"well if you need an explanation I'm not sure how you could have managed to get me pregnant in the first place" she growled turning from him and lifting up the covers on the bed and lying in bed pulling the cover up to her chin burying her face in the pillow she didn't want him to see her crying

Not even bothering to change his clothes he got into bed next to her shoes and all " Elsie darling I know how it happened I was just shocked I thought we were both past that stage in our lives" he sighed reaching out other placing his hand uncertainly on her hip rubbing it gently with his thumb " and if we have been blessed with a child then I shall be thehappiest man on earth"

"Really. I thought you would be angry with me after all we both thought we were past this part in life" She sniffled turning to look at him with blotchy red eyes

" I am certain I could never be mad at you for being pregnant love in fact I dreamt of what our children would look like I just never thought it would happen for us" He replied leaning in to kiss her confirming his feelings on the subject

"Oh my Charlie" she cried throwing her arms around his neck as her tears started to flow again "I'm so scared" she cried

"why my darling lass I'm sure everything will be alright" Charles murmured into her hair

"cause my mam had Becky late in life and you saw what happened with her. I want our baby to stand a chance" she was crying into his chest now

"my darling Elsie I know I can't you promise you that nothing will happen but that is life, but I can and will say this let's not worry about that now we will take everything one step at a time. And if we find out that you aren't pregnant heaven forbid that from happening but if it does we will have our minds put to rest but if you are pregnant and what happened to Becky happens to our baby then so be it the child will be so loved and cherished it won't know the difference." He soothed pulling her closer to him and kissing her forehead lovingly

"I do hope you are right Charles" she sighed

"me too love me too" he whispered against her hair "now get some rest"

The week passed slowly for the couple. Mrs. Hughes still got sick like clockwork every few hours sometimes even minutes.

Once she was checking in on the children who were down for their afternoon nap and she found herself smiling with tears brimming in her eyes and her hand gently stroking her abdomen. Praying that Dr. Clarkson was right and that her and Charles would have a babe to love and cherish in 9 months' time. Yet she still refused to allow herself to believe it. She was letting the fears of what happened to Becky to control her. She didn't like but she couldn't stop it.

Charles was having issues of his own, when it came to the shocking news his wife gave him. He knew we would be over the moon if it were true and if it weren't well he would be crushed. Yet something was stilling holding him back from being fully encased in the potential babe that his beloved wife might be carrying.

Maybe it was Becky, maybe it was the fear that he would turn out just like his old man a drunkard, who stepped out on his family regularly and abused his wife then later his son because his son wouldn't allow his mum to be hurt any longer. He shuttered at the thought and wiped his tears, stealing himself Elsie would be arriving at any moment and he couldn't have her worried about him let alone bring her into his past.

When Elsie appeared in his office door coat and hat in place he stood to leave with her. It was Wednesday, and they were going to find out whether they should buy a crib and clean the spare room in the cottage for a baby or not.

"ready" she asked her stomach in knots she had been both dreading and anticipating this day for a whole week

"yes, let me grab my hat and we shall be off" he answered calmly

"Alright" she said stepping towards the door

"shall we" he asked offering her his arm

"we don't really have a choice now do we Charlie" she retorted with a chuckle

"I guess not" he said dryly he wasn't in the mood for her witty retorts

Upon arriving at the doctor's office, they stood at the entrance only stopping because Elsie stopped whimpering an "I can't" and turning to run before Charles stopped her his hand on her hip

"what can't you do my angel" he questioned gently

" I cant go in there and find out we aren't having a baby. Because I've tried not to let myself believe but I found myself thinking about how it would feel when the baby kicked or how amazing it will be to have a babe at my breast or how amazing of a father you will be for our child. I've yearned for a child to give all my love to and I can't have that man in there crush the last of my hope" she sobbed not looking him in the eye

"look at me love" he said gently lifting her chin "I know this is scary but we are in this together and I need you to trust me. We will go in there and Dr. Clarkson will give us the best news or the worst but we will come out together just like we have always done" he soothed pulling her into his embrace "now wipe those tears and lets go find out we are having a baby or not"

"Ok" she hiccupped wiping her tears and taking his hand

After sitting in the waiting room for what felt like hours but was only ten minutes they were called back to Dr. Clarkson's office.

"give it to us straight Clarkson am I or am I not with child" Elsie said before she even sat down

"Elsie love let the man talk I'm sure he was getting ready to tell us" Charles soothed

"Thank you, Mr. Carson, and Mrs. Carson I understand your need to know whether or not you are with child, but first I need to know if you're ok with it if you are ad that you won't go somewhere to heaven forbid it but to get rid of the "problem" per say" Dr. Clarkson said looking at the couple

"how dare you make such accusations Richard you of all people know that I wouldn't do such a thing to my child" Mrs. Hughes cried her hand shaking as she though she wished to slap him, but she refrained due to Charles taking hold of her hand to calm her. He had met her mama bear side and he knew Clarkson didn't want to meet that side of Elsie. Even though he himself was appalled by Dr. Clarkson's words

"I meant no impertinence by it but I have to ask" Dr. Clarkson replied

"well you sure did come off impertinent" Elsie scoffed

"now love I know you're offended but let the man speak or we may never find out" Charles said

"as I was saying Mrs. Carson I don't know if this is happy news or not but congratulations you're pregnant Mrs. Carson" Dr. Clarkson smiled looking Elsie in the eye as tears brimmed in his eyes.

"are you sure" she breathed tears glistening her eyes

"aye I'm sure" he replied

"oh…… oh Charlie …… oh I don't know what to say" Elsie cried "Thank you Dr. Clarkson"

"we best be on our way if there isn't anything else you wish for us to know" Charles said looking at the doctor expectantly

"well other than Mrs. Clarkson taking care of herself and that I want you to take it easy as you know with your age this pregnancy won't be easy it will be very touch and go but I'm sure everything will be just fine" Dr. Clarkson said " I would like to see you back here inlets say two weeks"

"I will do anything and everything if it assures my child a chance to live and their safety Dr. Clarkson" Elsie smiled following her husband out the door after shaking Dr. Clarkson's hand

"aye I know you will lassie" Dr. Clarkson whispered when they were gone a bitter sweet smile on his face

It has been a month since the news of their impending arrival and Mrs. Carson couldn't be anymore happy then she has been even though there has been an unspoken rift between man and wife ever since they were given the news. She was going to get to the bottom of it even if it was the last thing she did.

When they got home, Charles went to the kitchen to get tea and Elsie headed toward the bedroom to bathe.

After getting out of the bath Elsie realized she forgot her night dress so she wrapped her robe around herself and walked to her bed. In passing she caught a glimpse of herself in the looking glass that had standing in the corner of their room. Stopping she walked over to it opening her robe and slowly dropping it from her shoulders she stared at her body. Her hand roaming down her body as if trying to find every ridge and imperfection of her body. Noticing every fault line, every stretch mark, everything that made her self-conscious about her body. Her hand unconsciously moved to her stomach knowing that within the new few months t would grow to accommodate her baby. She was over the moon with joy whenever she thought about her baby. She feared that she was no longer desirable to Charles and that he regretted their child and she didn't think she could bare either. Before she knew it tears where running down her cheeks her hand clasped itself over her mouth to soften the sobs that where escaping her lips like rain. Her free hand protectively wrapped around her abdomen.

"Elsie" Charles questioned walking in to his wife sobbing quietly to herself half naked her rob hanging off her left shoulder

"oh… oh Charlie" Elsie cried turning to him a look of surprise on her face

"whatever is the matter my beautiful wife" He asked reaching out to take her hand only to have it ripped away from him as though he had burned her with his touch

"Am I so undesirable that you would want nothing to do with me Charles you won't touch me you barely even look at me the way you use to before you found out I had become pregnant" she growled " but is that is so I'm sorry if I have become undesirable to you I will do everything in my power to fix that once the baby is born and I know that you didn't exactly want this child Charles but I can't get rid of it but I will keep it out of your sight and you way as much as I can and if it comes to I then I guess I will leave and take the child with me. All I ask is that you forgive me, but I love this child so much already" Elsie was crying now her breathing raged her chest heaving up and down with every breath.

"Oh Elsie lass I do find you so terribly desirable more so now than I ever thought possible there is nothing more alluring then the women you love carrying you child. as for not wanting this child I do I have wanted nothing more then to start a family with you Els. May I ask what brought this all on love" Charles asked

"well ever since we found out about the baby you can't look at me let alone look me in the eyes and I can't help but wonder why" Elsie said trailing her hand down her arm to place her robe back on her should covering her up because she was suddenly self-conscious

"oh my darling I allowed my fears if becoming a father control me and now I've hurt you" he cried

"why are you so afraid obviously you father did a wonderful job because he raised you" Elsie sniffled

"that's the point Elsie he was a drunkard and he would come home and beat my mother when I was too small the know any better and when I grew up he would beat me instead for standing up for my mother" Charles sighed

"Oh Charlie" Elsie cried wrapping her arms around him I didn't know I'm such a terrible wife how I could I not know"

"you are not a terrible wife, I didn't want you to know, I'm ashamed of that part of my life. Especially with our little miracle on the way I didn't want you to have any extra stress. I thought I could and that I was getting over it, but obviously I couldn't and now it has you doubting my love for you" he sounded so hurt. Feelings from his childhood when all he ever wanted was his father's approval " why wasn't I good enough for him I could never do anything right in his eyes oh god I'm such a failure look what I've done to my pregnant wife" Charles was near sobs at this point so many emotions from his childhood where surfacing things he hadn't thought of or dealt with since he went into service.

"now you listen to me Charles Carson you are not a failure and that man that called himself you father was not a man but a coward and you my love will be the best father to our baby that any baby could ask for. You my love are the by far the greatest man I know you are so gentle so kind so loving with the children at the abbey that I makes me fall in love with you all over again every time I see you with them. Just know that we are in this together Charlie and I love you" Elsie soothed taking her shaking husband into her arms rubbing his back in soothing circles gently digging her nails into his back in a soothing manner. The second he was in her arms his hands opened the abdomen of the robe needing to be as close to their child as he could.

"do you really mean that" he whispered tears falling down his withered cheeks causing her heart to drop it was hard for her to see her big bear of a man crumble as though he was a child

"aye with everything that I am" she said placing her hand his that where resting on her bare abdomen

"I love you so very much Elsie May Carson" he whispered into her hair sniffling as his tears slowed down

"I love you too Charles Ernest Carson now take me to bed" she sighed into him

"anything for you my darling Scottish lass" he scooped her up and carried her the remaining steps to their four-poster bed

Two months had passed since that night and they couldn't be any happier. Elsie was now four months pregnant and had started to show around her third month much to the joy of both Mr. and Mrs. Carson

they were lying in bed one morning just holding each other it was their day off and they were going to enjoy a lie in, when out of nowhere Elsie released a gasp in surprise "oh" she cried

"what… what's wrong" Charles jumped placing his hand on her stomach ever the protective father trying to somehow protect both her and their unborn child from whatever happened.

"nothing's wrong Charlie everything is just perfect. I'm pretty sure our little monkey just made their presence known by moving" Elsie smiled as tears of joy brimmed in her eyes

"oh, Elsie that wonderful" Charles smiled at her kissing her on the lips passionately

"I'm so happy we got to do this ever since I met you I have wondered what our child would look like who I would act like, or what it would be like to even carry your child and to feel the wee one move inside me with your hands on my stomach trying to feel in move at every possible time. I imagined a wee lad with your thick curly black hair and maybe my eyes, but he would be the spitting image of his ever-handsome father definitely a heart breaker. Or his little sister or very own little lass my hair and your eyes who would be the perfect mix of both her parents with my temper and her daddy's soft heart definitely daddy's little princess" Elsie sighed nuzzling into his embrace kissing his chest soundly several times over where his heart resided

"I always thought of our little lass as a mini you" Charles chuckled kissing his wife's head as his hand roamed around her back occasionally slipping below her waist to give her bum a gentle squeeze.

"hmm I wander what our bairn will look like" Elsie mussed snuggling into husband's embrace playing with his salt and pepper chest hair. At approximately four months pregnant Elsie looked like she was six months along. So snuggling into her husband arms she knew would soon become difficult at this angle something that made her sad.

"I'm going to miss this when you get bigger in the coming months, but I wouldn't change our having a child for the world" Charles said placing a kiss on her temple. And a firm squeeze on her hip where he held her while his other hand drew gentle shapes on her abdomen

"aye me too Charlie" Elsie whispered drifting into a peaceful sleep.

Now in her fifth month of pregnancy Elsie's dreadful morning sickness which had relentlessly badgered her for the past four and a half months had suddenly stopped. No longer able to hide her pregnancy her and Charles decided it was best to inform lord and lady Grantham of their joyous impending arrival a month before.

A month ago

Four months pregnant

"M'lady I was wondering if Mr. Carson and I could have a word with you. That is if you have the time" Elsie asked when Cora left her bedroom that morning after eating breakfast

"why of course Mrs. Hughes, actually lord Grantham and I are free right now that is if you and Mr. Carson can spare a minute" Cora replied "I do hope everything is alright Mrs. Hughes

"everything is just fine M'lady" Elsie replied "I will go find Mr. Carson and meet you in the library"

"I'll go fetch Robert" Cora smiled

After rounding up their husbands both couples met in the library and after mich coaxing from Cora both couples where sat opposite on the parallel settees in the room.

"what is that you wished to speak to us about Mrs. Hughes" Robert questioned

"well Milord it seems as though come approximately mid- August Mr. Carson and I will be welcoming a babe for I am with child" Mrs. Carson stated reaching out for her husband's hand for support

"why that wonderful news Mrs. Hughes Congratulations to you both isn't that wonderful Robert" Cora beamed standing up to go congratulate the happy couple

"thank you, milady," Mr. Carson replied

"job well done old chap" Robert grinned as his wife fawned over Elsie asking how she was fairing and how far along she was.

"I was hoping milady that if it's alright with you if I may stay on with my job and take a few weeks off once that baby arrives then take the babe with me while I work" Elsie asked

"of course, Mrs. Hughes of course since little Carson will is due during the season we will take Thomas along to be on standby if Mr. Carson where to leave to get to you." Cora replied completely oblivious to the outrageous idea

"thank you, your ladyship," Elsie smiled keeping her temper in check

"I of course understand how tiring pregnancy can be so if there is anything I can do or anything you need come right to me especially if our Carson here is being to over bearing" Cora giggled

"thank you, Milady, now if you'll excuse me I must get back to work" Elsie said standing and walking out of the library. Once she was in the safety of her sitting room. Elsie sighed placing her hand on top of her stomach just under her breasts feeling her babies strong kicks "oh my wee bairn you are my miracle" she whispered a tear escaping her eye and flowing down her cheek wiping it away with the back of her hand she got back to work a smile on her face and a giggle on her lips every time her bairn moved.

A week later they were lying in bed on their day off their hands interlocked over her sweaty round stomach. This had become their normal when they were alone in their little world that was their cottage especially after they had made love when their child was the most active.

"I want you there with me Charlie" Elsie blurted "you know when my time comes"

"well I certainly wasn't expecting that" he chuckled nervously rubbing his thumb over her abdomen gently

"I know it's not exactly proper and all, but Charlie I don't know if I could do it without you and if I die then I want you there as the last thing I see" Elsie sniffled they hadn't talked about the very real possibility of her dying during the birth of their child. Every time she brought up the subject he would change the subject immediately.

"you know I can't fathom you dying please let's not talk or think that way love, but you know I can't refuse you, so I will be there with you for better or worse supporting you through everything" he sighed kissing her tears away

"I know you don't like it but it must be discussed love if I do die I want you to take our son or daughter and do not resent them for they are not the cause of my death love them as you've loved me let them know how much their mummy loved them and still loves them and…. And that I wish the for him and that I wish I could watch then grow" Elsie was sobbing now her head pressed tightly to her husband's chest

"oh, my Elsie I pray that it may never come to that my love, but I promise you I will love and cherish our child for the rest of my days as I love and cherish you" Charles cried kissing her hair as he silently sobbed into her hair. The mere thought of her dying was killing him slowly piece by tiny piece "oh my love I can't live without you promise me you will fight for our child and fight to stay with me. I love you so much my angel"

"I love you too my old curmudgeon and I will fight with everything in to come back to you my darling bear of a man" she kissed his lips wiping away his tears

She was standing in the kitchens chatting with Mrs. Patmore her hand placed lovingly on top of her much larger stomach belly of six months pregnant.

"I don't think it is a lass Mrs. Patmore I think it is a lad it just feels like it is a lad Mrs……… ohhh hmmmm what the hell "Elsie moaned as a sharp pain ran through her lower abdomen her mind doing a complete 360 to the thought that she was miscarrying her baby "NO NO NO NO" she sobbed

"Mrs. Carson what's wrong" Beryl rushed to her friend's side "Daisy go get Mr. Carson and then ring Dr. Clarkson"

"Beryl" Elsie whimpered barely managing through her tears "it's too early I can't lose my baby"

"I'm sure everything will be just fine Elsie" Beryl reassured not only the distraught mother but also herself help Elsie to a seat

"what if it's not beryl what if I lose my baby I love this baby so much already I don't think I could bear losing it" Elsie was hyperventilating working herself up to the point of not being able to breath her hand not leaving her stomach trying to feel the baby move. Charles came barreling into the room having pushed past Daisy due to his need to get to his wife as soon as possible.

"what happened" he cried rushing over to comfort his hysterical wife

"I don't know what's happening we were talking then I got a really sharp pain in my stomach" Elsie coughed "oh god its back" she cried moaning as she reached out to grab her husband's arm

"everything will be alright my love" Charles soothed picking her up gently carrying her to her old rooms "it just has to be" he whispered once he set her down on the bed

"I think I'm losing our baby Charles. I'm so sorry oh god my baby" Elsie cried their hands clasped together on her stomach both trying to feel their child fearing the worst and wanting to have as much time with their child as possible before they lost it.


	2. I Can't Part 2

It was the longest thirty minutes as the frightened parents awaited Dr. Clarkson to arrive and hopefully save their child from sure death. In those thirty minutes Elsie had three more pains. The whole time Elsie was in complete Hysterics whispering I'm sorry and I love you so much every few seconds. Watching his wife break slowly was killing him piece by piece.

When Clarkson did finally arrive, he was rushed straight up to Elsie's room

"hmmmm well Mrs. Carson it appears as though you are in fact in the early stages of labor" Dr. Clarkson sighed

"oh God no not my baby oh it's all my fault oh my baby" She sobbed knowing her baby wouldn't survive being born this early

"But I can stop it I'll stitch your cervix to prevent it from opening don't worry I will remove it once we get closer to your due date and I will also administer a drug to stop the labor from progressing and I want you on be rest for a month then afterwards I want you sitting to do everything and if you can't sit to do it sit a soon as your done doing it" Richard ordered seeing the anguish in the couples eyes he soften "I can assure you that I will do everything in my power to save your baby Mr. and Mrs. Carson"

"oh, thank the lord please just save our baby Dr. Clarkson" Charles answered for his hysterical wife

"It's all my fault Charles I am too old to carry our child and now because of me our baby almost died or could die" Elsie sobbed. Ever since she found out she might be pregnant let alone that she was pregnant she feared something like this would happen and that she would lose her miracle life of a happy husband and a precious babe to call her mummy.

"It's not your fault love and you are not to old now I wish I didn't have to, but I should probably leave for this part" Charles said kissing her

"please Charles don't leave me I can't do this without you" she whimpered

Charles looked to Clarkson for an OK before looking at Elsie "very well then I will stay and hold you"

And so, he did he sat behind her with her cradled safely in between his legs as Dr. Clarkson positioned his wife's legs instructing him to hold her legs back because he couldn't have her moving about as he sewed her up because one wrong move could mean so many bad possibilities. She looked up into his eyes to try and block out the pain because of the circumstance she wouldn't take anything that would even pose risk to her child with a less than one percent chance.

Gripping at Charles' arm Dr. Clarkson started the procedure.

Eventually once the procedure was over Elsie had cried herself into a fitful sleep filled with nightmares of her baby dying just out of her reach and Charles turning on her and leaving her blaming her for the death of his son his one and only heir, her dying of the shear heartbreak at the end of each vile dream.

"thank you Dr. Clarkson I only hope that both my wife and our baby make it through this terrible ordeal" Charles said stepping out of the room and into the corridor leaving his wife to sleep even if it was fitful.

"you're very welcome I've known Mrs. Carson since I was a lad and I don't think I know anyone who deserves to have this baby more then she does she's had a lot of hardships in her life but I think if she where to lose this baby she wouldn't be able to bounce back like she once would be able too." Richard Sighed looking at the door that Charles had just closed behind him

"well let's hope it never gets to that. Shall I walk you out" Mr. Carson asked waving his hand towards the stairwell

"no that's quite alright Mr. Carson you go back to your wife. Speaking of wives, I should probably get back to mine she has taken quite the liking to our Mrs. Carson and is probably going mad with worry" Richard Chuckle softly before turning and walking toward the door that lead to the stairwell.

When Richard got home that night he wasn't the same happy go lucky bubbly man he was when Isobel was around, and it worried his wife. She suspected it had something to do with that emergency he got called away for some two hours ago. When they were sitting on the settee each enjoy their respective beverage.

"Richard you know you can tell me anything especially if it is troubling you" Isobel said before taking a sip of her wine

"yes, I know but right not everything is fine" Richard replied

"no, it is not Richie and you know it because you haven't been the same since you were called away for that emergency up at the abbey" Isobel replied curtly looking him in the eye

"the problem just hit to close to home that's all it nothing to get you knickers in a bunch over love" Richard answered

"what do you mean hit close to home Richard you've seen everything before so what makes this case so special" Isobel asked

"because it reminded me of my late brother's wife and the birth of their stillborn son" Richard yelled his face red with anger. Seeing the fear and upset on her face "I'm sorry that was rude and uncalled for of me"

"I didn't know you had a brother Richie let alone that he had a wife and a stillborn son I'm so sorry" Isobel said immediately forgiving him

"I was the one who was supposed to save their baby, but I couldn't and then two years later when their daughter was born he died four months later with her I haven't thought about it till now because Mrs. Carson went into early labor today just like my sister-in-law, but I was able to stop it" Richard explained

"oh, Richard I'm so sorry" Isobel whimpered tears brimming her eye thinking about how she almost lost her son to a car accident a few months ago

"oh Issy it happened so long ago and I know what you're thinking, but Matthew is home safe and sound enjoying his family and time with his son" Richard soothed taking her into his arms realizing how much his story truly affected her "what do you say we call it an early night and head upstairs" Richard asked pulling back from her to plant a kiss on her lips

"I agree" Isobel whispered into his lips before kissing him again

That night would haunt Elsie for the rest of her life the thought she almost lost her baby, her reason to live, for she was certain that if she lost her baby she would lose her husband also not because he left her but because she pushed him away. From that fay forward Elsie vowed to never let anything happen to her baby that she couldn't avoid, and from that day forward no one saw Elsie without a hand on her Stomach for the rest of her pregnancy and after her baby was always with her whether that be in Charles' arms or hers. Some even heard her either singing or talking to her stomach when she thought no one was around but Charles knew how scared she was. He only knew this because the two weeks following her hell on earth when she was on strict bedrest he often times would find her talking or singing to their baby with tears running down her cheeks or if she had fallen to sleep which she often would tear stains from having cried herself to sleep. His heart was breaking every time he saw her flinch when something would happen he hand flying to her stomach immediately.

Now seven months pregnant and a month since that terrifying day. She was at home for a few days' rest. She was sitting up in their bed when he found her she was off with the fairy's her hand drawing shapes and patterns onto her stomach humming a lullaby that she used to sing to Becky when they were younger, and Becky had one of her fits.

Popping his shoes off and dropping them along with his over shirt and vest and tie on the ground next to his jacket. He slipped onto the bed in between her legs that where already spread to accommodate her rather enlarged abdomen. Kissing her stomach in greeting "Hello love how are baby Carson and mummy doing" her gently rumbled into her abdomen knowing how it would make her giggle because the baby would squirm. His only reply was a silent sniffle and a hand moving to her face and one moving to rest above his head on her stomach.

"what's wrong love no wife of mine whether she be pregnant or not deserves to be sad" Charles asked popping his head up to look at her

"oh, Charlie it's all my fault if I wasn't on my feet all day and refusing to rest our baby would have never been in danger. I am a danger to our baby Charles and that thought alone kills me maybe when the babies born you should…… maybe you should leave me and take our baby from me for I'll only be a danger to our baby so I need you to protect them from me because I can't put my baby in danger anymore then I already am by carrying it" Elsie sobbed

"no" was all her said before he crawled up the length of her body being careful not apply any pressure on her abdomen.

"wh…what" Elsie sniffled confused

Without replying her simply took her hands in his and placed them on her stomach together they felt their baby rolling around and kicking.

"this, this right here is why I will not take our child away from you Elsie May Carson you are not a danger to our child. Do you feel that. That is the feeling of our baby moving and thriving within you, now do you think this child would still be living and moving let alone thriving within you if you were a danger to it. No, it wouldn't be, but it is it's thriving and that's all because it's mother is the best mother any child could hope for. You fought with everything in you to keep her inside you were she is currently happily snuggled safe and warm within her mummy where she belongs, away from any danger or harm, were she is loved more than anything in this world" by the time he was done they were both crying unashamedly

"oh Charlie, oh my baby mummy is so sorry that she ever thought you would be safer without her. Oh god Charlie I almost gave up my baby. Oh, Charlie please hold me I just want you to hold be please. I love you so much" she whimpered

"Always my darling lass let me be your steady rock" Charles murmured into her hair as he caressed her burgeoning stomach with his large hand smiling with tears in his eyes as he felt their baby move something he never thought he would get to feel. He was forever grateful for his angel and their child.

"Charlie" Elsie called it was Sunday evening a week after Elsie's break down.

"Els what's wrong" Charles called before barreling in scaring Elsie making her laugh

"look what your son is doing to my stomach" Elsie giggled as she unbuttoned her dress and leaving her in just her slip which she slipped off her body baring her naked abdomen to her husband.

"OH MY GOD" Charles gasped as he watched his wife's stomach role and move about every now and then the shape of a foot or hand poking through "Is that normal" Charles chuckled

"it is rather normal especially late in the pregnancy when the baby no longer has that much room left" Elsie giggled at his amazement

Getting down on his knees in front of Elsie, Charles kissed her stomach "oh, my well hello my little princess daddy can't wait to meet you my love, but daddy can be ever so patient, so you stay warm and cozy inside mummy "he murmured kissing her stomach where ever a limb popped up.

"I want a home birth Charles" Elsie blurted out running her hands through his hair as if to calm him before he exploded

"No, I will not let you risk your health like that it is not safe love I couldn't bear the thought of losing either of you and you know that" Charles cried getting up to pace the floor

"I know that Charles but with my age and childbirth itself I will always be in danger of dying. I'm too old for this and we knew this from the beginning but, I want to feel comfortable when the time comes and I God forbid I do die I want to die in my home surrounded by my husband and all our lovely memories in this place please let me have this love. I want you and our son to be the last thing that I see" Elsie soothed walking over to her husband hand resting on her stomach.

"Oh, Elsie if you die I don't know what I would do I… I can't live without you my angel I'm so scared and if you die it'll be all my fault I shouldn't have pushed you into a fully intimate marriage" Charles cried as his shorter wife guided him to the bed where she sat his down before she held him to her breast his hands placed on either side of her stomach

"Oh, my big Curmudgeon I'm so glad our marriage is full I'm so grateful I got a chance to have our baby and Id I die I don't want you to blame yourself but, live on and show our love to our child a wonderful life let them know me love let them know how much I love them alright and don't be such an old curmudgeon" she soothed kissing the back of his head

"oh, my angel oh my darling lass I love you so much it hurts but I promise to do all those things, but I won't have to without you" Charles sniffled

"hopefully you're right darling now how about a nap then maybe we can go for ice cream, baby Carson is making mummy very hungry for some ice cream" Elsie giggled laying down as Charles wrapped the blanket around the both of them

They fell asleep that afternoon at peace with their life and the happy thought of their baby snuggled safely within their darling mother.

She dreaded this trip she loved her sister, but her sister never took change well and getting married and becoming pregnant where both big changes by themselves and in her condition, she couldn't very well fight her sister as per normal, and it was Charles' first time meeting her.

"Rebecca Hughes please" Elsie asked the new orderly at the welcome desk

"she is in the rec. hall now ma'am" she said glancing up to get a picture of the woman speaking to her

"thank you" Elsie said

She grabbed Charles' hands and led him down the stark white hallways

"well I'll be damned if it isn't Elsie Hughes with a man on her and Oh My Goodness look at you love you absolutely glowing" Margaret Anderson a nurse Elsie's age with bright fire engine red hair and reading glasses hanging around her neck on a beaded chain her granddaughter made her.

"Mags oh I've missed you I was so upset you couldn't make it to the wedding" Elsie squealed hugging the taller woman

"well obviously I missed a lot more than just a wedding look at you, you look like you're ready to pop" Mags giggles placing her hand on Elsie's stomach

Uncomfortable Carson cleared his throat to get the two women's attentions

"oh, sorry Charlie this is Margaret Anderson, Mags this is Charles Carson my husband. Mags is my oldest friend and Becky's nurse" Elsie introduced

"please to meet you Mrs. Anderson" Charles reached his hands out to shake hers instead she swung her arms around his neck hugging him startling Charles.

"Elsie lass you have to call me and let me know when the little one gets here I wanna come down to where you live to meet the little rascal" Mags said before hugging her friend looking towards the woman who was barreling down the hall towards them "looks like that's my que to leave"

"ELSIE" a younger version of Elsie with deeper red hair and green eyes instead of Elsie's brownish auburn hair and blue eyes.

"Becky baby" Elsie cried turning towards her sister "come here baby but be careful of my tummy darling" Elsie instructed

"Els why is your tummy so big" Becky asked pointing towards her sisters enlarged abdomen

"Becky baby why don't we go to your room for a little bit, so I can explain lass" Elsie replied ushering her toward the hall leading to her room

Upon arriving in Becky's room Becky ran to her bed and Elsie slowly waddled over to the edge of the bed where she perched herself ever so carefully with some assistance from Charles.

"Becky lass about in about two months I will be having a baby which means you'll be an aunt love" Elsie Explained

"did you eat the baby" Becky asked cocking her head to the side before picking up her favorite dolly and handing it to Charles she wasn't sure who he was yet, but she decided she liked him already.

"thank you, lass," Charles chuckled taking the doll from her

"no lass I didn't eat the wee babe" Elsie chuckled

"then how did it get in there" Becky asked

"you see love when a man and a woman love each other very much sometimes they make a baby" Elsie explained tapping her nose looking to her husband who's cheeks where redder then her sister's hair

"oh, Else who's that" Becky asked not enthused about this baby thing anymore wanting to know who the man was that her sister brought along with her

"that my baby is your brother in law Charles Carson my husband" Elsie replied

"Nice to meet you M'lady "Charles said bowing

"he acts funny Els I like him we should keep him" Becky declared

"I think I just might" Elsie giggled winking at her husband

"oh, Elsie why is your tummy moving" Becky yelled when she saw her sisters stomach contort in weird ways

"that's the baby love wanna feel them move" Elsie Giggled taking Becky's hand and gently placing it on her ever-protruding stomach. The second Becky's hand touched her stomach the baby gave a strong kick

"oh, bad baby you gon hurt my Essie" Becky cried ripping her arm away and preparing to her hit her sisters stomach in defense before Elsie stopped her soothing her

"no Becky Baby it tickles it doesn't hurt me your Essie is fine I promise" Elsie soothed taking Becky soothingly into her arms

"promise" Becky asked almost as if she was ashamed

"I promise baby" Elsie answered kissing her sisters head

That night Charles and Elsie where lying in bed one arm under her head and the other around her waist holding her stomach in his hand. They both silently vowed when they found out she was pregnant to cherish each and every moment with her pregnancy knowing it would their only chance.

"I knew you would make a great mother, but seeing you with Becky today just made me believe it even more" Charles whispered into her ear placing kisses just below her ear

"I'm scared I won't be there for them like most mothers. I should be too old for this Charles you heard Dr. Clarkson I can't have a home birth like we agreed upon because of my age. For the longest time I didn't want kids I had Becky to care for I raised her she was my baby for years, then I had to work to pay for her care, so I couldn't think about a family, so I ran from Argyll. Then I met you and everything changed. All I could think about was having your babies, but it took us so long to finally get married that I just didn't think I would happen but here we are me pregnant ready to pop in two months' time pregnant and I'm scared I won't be here for the rest of it" Elsie started to sob uncontrollably

"oh, Elsie lass I wish I wasn't such a coward back then, but I promise you now Elsie May Carson you will live to see our baby grow I'll make sure of it" Charles whispered kissing her head and holding her close

The day they got back Charles and Elsie got news they never thought they would get

"what do you mean you have to go with the family for the season Charles our baby is due in beginning of August and you promise you would be there for that. I can't believe this twenty years of service to this family and this is how they repay us by taking my husband away from me when I'm Heavily pregnant and can't do half the stuff I used to do without his help Hell I can't even bath without him" Elsie was screaming at this point they had reached their cottage and she was undressing for a bath when Charles told her

"I know your mad Elsie but there isn't much I can do I can't tell them no because then I will lose my job and you probably will to and with our job goes our house then how will we survive with a newborn" Charles argued

"and I get that Charles bet you couldn't leave for a whole weekend let alone three months Charles the baby could come at any time in the last six weeks of the season" Elsie cried her hand protectively placed over her stomach a habit she had picked up in the past nine months

"I know and I will be there they have Thomas coming down three weeks into the season but he requested a vacation to go see his sister and her newborn during the first three weeks of the season but you must know I have no say in the matter" Charles tried to point out her didn't want to go as much as she didn't want him to go

"well then you better be hope you can make it back in time to be there for our baby's birth Charles" Elsie said before slamming the bathroom door in his face before turning to start the tap for her bath.

The next day Charles had to leave immediately to make it to London before the families first party. Having gone to London when the family had already been there for three weeks being odd for Carson, but he didn't want to be going already as it was. Elsie kissed him goodbye in the morning it was a cold shoulder she offered him the night before but, in the morning, she woke him an hour before he had to leave to catch the train she was crying when he woke up.

"Elsie love what's the matter I'll only be gone for a month then Thomas will be taking my place" Charles soothed turning so she was in his arms

"I know but I'm so scared you won't be here when it happens then what will happen to our babies I die" Elsie cried

"Oh, Els love we've been over this you are going to be just fine, and I will be home before you know it and our little monkey will stay nice a warm inside mummy till I arrive home safely to welcome them with open arms" Charles replied

"I know what you say Charles, but you can't such things" Elsie sniffled

"well either way I will be there" Charles swallowed past the lump that was slowly forming in his throat.

"you better be now hold me till you have to get ready to leave" Elsie demanded

"Always" he murmured before snuggling up to her wanting to feel their child move when he wouldn't be able to do so for four weeks maybe even ever again depending upon when their baby decided to make their appearance.

"ok here is you suit case and you lunch for the ride there now you be safe and come home to me before our baby comes you hear me Mister" Elsie said holding back tears and forcing seriousness by pointing at him

"I will love now you be careful and don't stress to much love and fatten up our babies as much as you can a plump baby always means health or that what my mother always said" Charles said before dropping to his knees and kissing her bump "now you take care of your mummy little monkey and stay nice and warm inside mummy till daddy gets back I love you both so much you and mummy are my world" he placed one last kiss to her bump before standing with some difficulty to kiss his wife once more before he left to catch the train.

Once he left and the door was closed behind him she broke down her hand on her stomach "I guess it's just you and me for a little while soldier" Elsie sighed brushing her stomach and whipping her tears before getting dress for the day ahead

Ever since Elsie found out she might be pregnant she would stop by the nursery of the house to see the children but to also imagine herself sitting in a rocking chair with her babe in her arms as they nursed and she marveled at the fact that they were all hers to love and to cherish with all the love she had to give. That's where she was in the nursery of the Abbey her hand resting on her stomach as she imagined what her child would look like for the umpteenth time since the beginning on her pregnancy.

She had been feeling off all day, but she refused to think anything of it because Charles was gone for another week having gone to the family in London when Thomas had to leave for a family Emergency as he put it.

It was late evening when she could no longer deny that her baby was on the way. The pains had started a few hours ago but they were very irregular coming every twenty to thirty minutes. But not they came every ten to fifteen minutes. She finally gave in a decided her best plan was to get to the nearest telephone even though she was at the Abbey the phone there weren't working do to some repair the family had going on while they were away, so she had to get to the closest phone to call Charles. And the Closest phone happened to be that of Mrs. Crawley's well she went by Mrs. Clarkson now.

"just wait till your Da gets home love mummy needs your Da to be here before you are" Elsie instructed her unborn child before she started to slowly make her way towards Mrs. Clarkson's home. She made it five minutes down the road when she was hit with yet another contraction doubling over she groaned through the pain using a nearby tree for leverage. She had to get to Mrs. Clarkson's and fast a storm was coming she could smell it having grown up on a farm one learned to smell when a storm was brewing. "Alright settled down in there love, Mummy needs to focus on getting to Mrs. Clarkson's safely before this storm"

At this point she was forty-five minutes into her trek to the Clarkson house hold, the trip taking long then normal her size slowing her down enough but stopping every ten to fifteen minutes for a contraction was not helping in the least. Each contraction taking up another minute from her safe arrival at the Clarkson's door step. Her breathing had become greatly labored, she still had a quarter of the way to go before she would reach the gate that surrounded the Clarkson household. The stress of this whole ordeal was starting to take its toll on her body when she started to feel herself become faint she would push on knowing that the only way her baby would have a chance of surviving is if she was in the capable hand of Mrs. Isobel Clarkson.

Within the next two contractions she was at the gate of Crawley house her contractions being twelve minutes apart now. As she reached out to knock on the door of the grand home she was hit with another contraction this one peaking faster than the other but lasting longer than any of the others she had experienced throughout the day. Crying out in pain she clutched at the doorframe her hand pressed into the doorbell for so long Isobel came running to the door only to see a distressed Elsie doubled over in pain. Feeling a popping sensation Elsie looked down as she felt a gush then a liquid flowing down her legs. She cried "Help me" before collapsing into the arms of a very unexpecting Isobel Clarkson.


	3. Part 3

After Isobel struggled to carry Elsie to her bedroom which was the closest bedroom to the main entrance on the home. Only managing to get her through the house by the sheer power of a woman's natural instinct to protect the innocent. Isobel proceeded to check all of Elsie's vitals along with listening for the heartbeat of the child with a spare stethoscope she had lying around. "Ok Mrs. Carson lets wake up, so we can get this baby here" Isobel said as she brushed the hair out of Elsie's face before she went to call Mr. Carson followed up with a call to her husband.

Charles answered on the sixth ring without any of the pleasantries Isobel went straight into business mode ordering Charles around "Now Carson I want you to leave all of your belongings at Grantham House and come straight here your wife needs you I will explain everything to cousin Robert. But for right now you focus on getting to your wife as soon as possible I venture to guess you only have a few hours to get here her pains are coming a lot closer now" Isobel explained before they both heard a strangled cry coming from Elsie as, yet another contraction ripped through her. Without waiting for a reply, she hung up to call her cousin and explain the situation before she dashed into her bedroom forgetting to call her husband.

"it hurts so much I just want my baby here already" Elsie sobbed being about eighteen hours into her labor as it was. The walk to Crawley having exhausted her to the point of collapse. The stress on her body taking its toll more so then normal due to her age. This was shaping up to be the hardest thing she had ever done.

"I know Mrs. Carson but your Charles is on his way to you and baby right now. And trust me it will a seem worth it once your baby is placed in your arms for the first time." Isobel soothed taking a cool cloth to Elsie's forehead.

"Mr. Carson who was that" Beryl Patmore asked

"I have to go" Charles said dashing passed Mrs. Patmore "Andy please tell Lord Grantham I had to leave right away Mrs. Carson has gone into labor" Charles said putting his hat on along with his suit jacket which he had taken off due to it being hot in the Butler's pantry

"certainly Mr. Carson just go to Elsie" Patmore answered for Andy who was standing stock still in the hallway

"I'm going to be a Dad he cried not carrying who heard him he was too excited to care what people thought of him. His smile only seemed to get wider and wider as he got closer and closer to the train station.

He got to king's cross station in record time. Getting it line to get a one-way ticket to the village of Downton. As he was getting the money out for the ticket his hands started to shake from the excitement causing him to drop the coins all over the ground.

"are you alright sir" the clerk asked

"yes, quite alright. Just anxious my wife is having our baby and I'm scared I won't make it to her in time" Charles beamed before getting serious again at his fear.

"well congratulations sir I hope you make it in time. Tell you what your tickets on me sir." The clerk said handing the ticket to Charles chuckling at the large bloke's happiness. Charles dashed away cry a thank you over his shoulder to the kind clerk.

"Ggaahh" Elsie groaned as her contraction peaked. At this point she was in nothing but her cream colored slip gripping the head board of Isobel Clarkson's four post king sized bed as she swayed her hips back and for trying to relieve some of the pressure. She was kneeling at the head of the bed find this the best position to sit in while she labored at the moment.

"That's it Mrs. Carson the pain who is boss" Isobel coached as she applied pressure to Elsie hips. Pressing a damp cool cloth to Elsie's forehead

"I don't know how much long I can do this M'lady" Her Scottish brogue becoming thick from her exhaustion

"well let's see how far along you are you are such a strong woman Mrs. Carson and you're doing great" Isobel encouraged. Before assisting Elsie onto her back so she could check her. "Ok Mrs. Carson you're about eight centimeters so you're almost there I'm sure by the time you're ready Mr. Carson and Dr. Clarkson will be here" Isobel soothed

"Mrs. Clarkson, I want you to deliver my bairn please tell me you will" Mrs. Carson whimpered before she was attacked by yet another contraction "I don't remember it hurting this much" Elsie huffed out as the contraction ended her chest heaving up at down with the exertion.

Isobel not wanting to pry in Elsie's personal life decided it best if she tended to Elsie rather than asking and questions. So, she started to tie a rope to the head board for Elsie the pull on along with another one to her ceiling for Elsie to dangle from remembering that help alleviate some of the pain.

"I know you wanna know what I'm speaking of M'lady" Elsie stated in a matter of fact manner

"It's none of my Business Mrs. Carson" Isobel replied

"but if you're going to help me deliver myleanaibh then you need to know my past" and please call me again with another contraction "now before another one come let me tell you as much as possible. I was married before my Charlie it was an arranged marriage by my father you see the man I was married to was a lad I had grown up with he was more of a brother to me then a husband you see I was already considering marrying Joe Burns at the time when I was told about my betrothal to Benjamin" she paused as a contraction soared through her.

"that's it lass now breathe" Isobel soothed as she placed the cool cloth of Elsie's forehead

"Bennie and I married when I was eighteen years old my father planned it for more land for me when he passed knowing I would have to care for my sister, anyways we had two children they will always be my babies our son Fergus my baby boy he didn't make it through his birth he was a breach baby come out the wrong way round the cord wrapped around his neck. Then about a year and a half later I had our baby girl Lorelai she was a real princess had her daddy wrapped around her little finger the second she arrived in this world" again another contraction seared through her causing her to pause as she groaned through the pain. "we were happy we loved each other as friends would love each other but four months after our princess was born I was out at the market I had left Ben home with Lorelai because they had fallen asleep together her on his chest she was always a daddy's girl, but while I was at the market" she paused not because of a contraction but because of the tears that where steadily flowing down her cheeks at this point "and when I got home I discovered our house collapsed in on itself in ashes. You see a fire caught out in the barn and it was the dry season, so the fire spread to our home and killed my husband and daughter in their sleep" she was sobbing by the time the next contraction came crashing in.

"that's it lass" Isobel soothed "so you went into service to forget your pain"Isobel questioned

"aye I was a coward and I ran from all my pain and I haven't looked back till my Da died and I had to take care of my sister Becky, then I found my Charlie and well you know the rest. Now that you know this you must call me Elsie" Elsie finished wiping the tears from her cheeks

"I see well if it makes you feel any better I ran from all of my responsibilities when Reggie died, and I promise you Mrs. Carson I will not let your baby die" Isobel promised "now if I'm to call you Elsie you must call me Isobel"

"alright Isobel, Please Promise me you won't tell Mr. Carson he doesn't know I had children he only knows I was married because I didn't bleed our first time, so I had to tell him" Elsie pleaded tears escaping her eyes before she grimaced in pain as another contraction came over her

Once the contraction passed Isobel placed a cool cloth on Elsie neck seeing as she had turned over on all fours after her contractions "I think you should tell him Elsie, but you have my word I won't tell him anything" Hearing the phone ring she ran to answer it

"Oh, hello darling. Yes, she is moving along swimmingly she is about eight and a half centimeters right now Carson's on his way. She wants me to deliver this baby" Isobel said all in one breathe

"listen Issy I have another emergency to get to this storm caused a tree to fall on the main road and Mr. Johnson got stuck underneath it. But don't worry I know you can handle this" Richard soothed

"but Richard I don't have the supplies I need to properly deliver this child safely and I promised I would do everything in my power to keep this child safe. She is so scared something will happen Richard" Isobel countered

"Isobel please I have to go but do tell Elsie Richard sends his congratulations she'll understand. Trust me Issy it's best for everyone if I'm not there anyways. There is a brand new Medical bag in the closest of the guest room it was going to be your anniversary present but seeing the obvious need for it I guess this means a happy early anniversary love" Richard said before the storm cut his signal

"RICHARD" Isobel tried before realizing the storm cut their connection "Damn and Blast" Isobel cried before hearing Elsie's cries of pain coming from the other room. Kicking back into nurse mode she made a B-line for Her guest room finding the Medical bag she made her way back to Elsie ready for the challenge ahead.

On the train Mr. Carson couldn't contain himself his leg was bouncing up and down no matter how much he tried to still it. The woman sitting across from him looked at his with disgust he only looked at her with an embarrassed smile before trying to still his leg. The man next to him looked over at him and stated "Nervous"

Coughing Carson looked at the younger man couldn't have been more than thirty years old "Yeah, my wife's in labor with our first child" Carson replied

"ah I was the same way when my Annie was in labor with our Johnathon" The man smiled fondly "ah pardon my bad manners the names Edward, Edward Clarkson" the man replied sticking his hand out to shakes Charles' his Scottish baroque thick reminding him of his wife.

"Charles, Charles Carson. You wouldn't happen to be related to a Richard Clarkson of Downton Village" Charles asked distracting himself from his nerves

"actually, he is my uncle and I'm coming to visit him and his new wife" Edward replied

"well I work under his wife's family up at the Abbey so I take it we will be getting off at the same stopand since I'm heading towards your uncles house that where my wife is as far as I've been told you can come with me" Charles replied as he and the young man continued to converse about anything Charles' could come up with to distract himself

"Where is Dr. Clarkson" Elsie cried as she felt an all too familiar pressure beginning to build

"we won't be able to make it a tree fell down on top of Mr. Johnson and he has to go to try and save his legs. But he said you would understand" Isobel replied "but it will be alright I'm trained for this and I've had two children of my own" Isobel soothed seeing the fear across the laboring mother's face

"Aye I've wander whether he would deliver my child since I found out it has to be painful to see your sister-in-law remarry let alone have another man child when your brother died" Elsie whispered

"you mean to say that technically we are sisters-in-law" Isobel gasped looking at Elsie's face for answers

"yes, but we will talk about it later right now I'm pretty sure baby Carson is ready to make their grand entrance into this world" Elsie said before she released a grunt as she forced herself not to push giving Isobel time to prepare for the birth. "Alright Elsie you know the drill on the next contraction I want you to push" Isobel said kneeling in front of Elsie's dangling form.

Right as Elsie started to push down the pulling sensation from her arms an open distraction from the pain and pressure of barring down. Charles Barged into the room soaking wet from the storm raging outside calling out "Elsie" seeing his wife in all her glory sweat dripping down her body slip sticking to her body her hair hanging around her body like a protective blanket a bolt of lightning striking down right next to the window that connected the outside world to their makeshift sanctuary. She looked up at him her eyes giving way to her emotions. She flung her head back when the contractions ended the lightening and candles giving her an almost scary angelic look Charles was stunned.

"I can see the head Elsie wonderful job baby has a lot of dark hair" Isobel cheered "Charles get over here stop staring and make yourself useful and come over a support your wife" Isobel demanded

Immediately Charles ran to his wife turning her, so she could wrap her arms around his neck with Isobel of the ground now in order to help guide the child out safely.

"Alright lass I need another strong push" Isobel cheered Elsie on as she cried out pushing into her husband who was pushing against her in order to balance her as she bared down. He whispered sweet words of encouragement into her ear. Feeling the ring of fire Elsie having done this before knew she was a push away from having a head.

"alright lassie let's get this head out on the count of three I was you to push with everything you have ready 1……2………3 Push Elsie that's it good girl" Isobel cheered as Elsie grunted into Charles chest "And we have a head"

"oh god" Elsie cried reaching her hand down to feel her child taking her husband's hand with hers "feel your baby Mr. Carson" Elsie giggled a sense of euphoria glazing over her for a second

"oh my beautiful lass your doing so well" Charles said as a tear escaped his eye kissing her head.

"Alright Elsie let's get these shoulders out and we should have ourselves baby" Isobel encouraged as Elsie bared down once more "that's it lass and the shoulders are out good job" Isobel stated

"ok on the next contraction we shall have ourselves a baby" Isobel encouraged

"within seconds of the last one Elsie was pushing again "catch him Charlie" Elsie demanded shoving his hands down to catch his child before she started to push again feeling the baby starting to slip out of her.

"it's a girl oh Elsie my love you're so amazing so strong oh listen her oh our princess" Charles cried as their daughter gently landed in his waiting hands. The Baby gave a piercing cry followed by a cry of relief from her tired mother

"oh my baby girl bring her up so I can see her Charlie" Elsie cried reaching her hand out for her daughter a surge of energy probably euphoria washed over her "oh my precious darling you don't know how much your mommy has wanted you oh I love you so much my little princess" she cried taking her daughter from her still connected by the umbilical cord which h Isobel offered to Charles to cut looking at his wife for reassurance she simply nodded encouraging him to completely cut the physical connection between mother and baby

"Alright Elsie hand baby to the proud papa so we can deliver this after birth and clean you so you can feed baby" Isobel encourage helping Elsie over towards the bed

"mmm oh Isobel it's back again it's wasn't like this before somethings wrong" Elsie moaned squatting using the bed as leverage Isobel's hand on her back supporting her. The all to familiar pressure building back up forcing her to push again shaking she reached her hand down to her center "I..Isobel the…there's another one oh" Elsie grunted as she forced herself not to push till Isobel could accesses the situation.

"Alright Elsie I want you to perch on the edge of the bed for me lass, that's it bum on the very edge, now Charles please place baby in the basinet I brought down from the nursery and come over here and support you wife" Isobel kicked back into Nurse mode "Alright Elsie I know your probably tired but I need you to push for ok can you do that for me lass"

"I don't how much long I can do this it hurts so much" Elsie cried before another contraction kicked in and she was forced to push not having the energy need to keep herself from pushing

"Alright baby is moving slower this go round" Isobel stated " ok Elsie baby is in Breech position the are coming the wrong way round, I'm going to have to help baby out as fast as possible"

"Oh god my baby" Elsie cried

"ok Elsie I am going to listen to baby's heart really quick, whatever you do, do not, and I mean do not push ok" Isobel pressed the stethoscope to Elsie lower abdomen hearing a fading thud coming from within keeping her cool in order to keep Elsie calm "alright Charles I need you to go find Richard I need him I'm going to have to perform an episiotomy" Isobel said as Charles just stared at her he knew something was wrong with the baby and Isobel just didn't want to tell them "NOW CHARLES" Isobel demanded shaking himself from his revere he kissed Elsie then dashed from the room only to run into Richard in the hallway of the home

"Dr. Clarkson please help my wife" was all Charles got out before Richard dashed past Charles into the room which within the last few hours turned into a delivery room

"Isobel what going on" Richard asked his sense of being an over protective older brother kicking after so many years of burying it

"the baby's breach I need to cut her" Isobel replied

"alright Elsie listen to me ok you know me I'm not going to sugar coat this it's going to hurt but it has to be done for both you and your baby's safety alright now look me in the eyes I know you're scared but we are going to get baby here safely alright now breath and Hold my hand ok" Richard said looking her in the eyes as Isobel cut her up to a two degree tear as a contraction ripped through Elsie causing her to scream at the sensation of being cut in such a sensitive area while a crippling contraction seared through her body

"Alright Charles I want you behind Her to support her she is going to need all you support Issy can you prepare for the baby" Richard was in Doctor mode take control of the situation as best he could

"Alright lassie I need you to push with everything you have in you" Richard encouraged

"I can't Richie I can't do this anymore I don't have anything left in me to give" Elsie cried

"yes you can lassie I've seen you do it twice before now I know you can do it again" Richard Encouraged

"Ggaahh" Elsie cried pushing the legs coming out with the help of Richard pulling them out slowly one by one

"that's it petal" Richard cheered using a nickname he would use for her when they were kids "Ok again Elsie 1….2….3…..." Richard couched

Elsie grunted pushing all but the head out

"ok Elsie I'm going to twist baby and let them hang gentle for a moment to help move baby along whatever you do, do not push do you hear me" Richard instructed "scream if you have to"

Burying her head back into Charles' chest her head writhing back and forth from the pain forcing herself not to push was causing her

"Alright on the next pain I want you to give me little pushes Elsie pant for me lass" Richard couched "that's it pant with me" Richard encouraged panting along with her making eye contact

"ok this next one I want everything you have to give me Elsie" Richard demanded in a matter of fact way

"ggaaahhhh" Elsie screamed pushing, her baby slipping from her body. Instead of the cries of a new born silence filled the room "OH GOD MY BABY no no no not again not my baby" Elsie cried distraught "why aren't they crying Richie save my baby please" Elsie screamed Charles instinctively grabbed his wife to him to sooth her and she cried in agony think her baby left her before she even got to meet them just like their older brother.


	4. Part 4

Isobel took the baby over to a corner of the room, after Richard cut the cord, to give the distraught mother some distance, so she could access the situation "Come on precious boy breath for Aunty Izzy" Isobel coaxed rubbing his chest and patting his back. "Oh, there we go" Isobel cried tears of relief as the baby gave a piercing hungry cry. Isobel walked back over toward the distraught parents "look Elsie he's ok see your baby boy is ok" Isobel smiled handing the baby over towards his mother who reached her arms out for her son

"Oh my precious boy you scared mommy so much oh my baby boy" Elsie couldn't stop crying kissing her son over and over again the fear of almost losing him was too great for the emotional mother

"ok petal I know you don't want to put him down but can you hand him over to Charles so we can deliver the afterbirth and get you cleaned up, so you can hold your babies" Richard asked as he took the bucket Isobel had brought in to place the after birth in. "ok little pushes Els you know the drill" Richard encouraged "alrighty that's one now one more to go" Richard instructed "ok all done now I have to stitch you up alright lassie squeeze Charles' hand love alright" Richard directed before he started to stich her back up "Alright and the nasty business is all done lassie you did so well" Richard said reaching his hand out to help her back in the bed with the help of Charles

"Now who wants which baby" Isobel cheered having taken the baby from Charles to clean them up

"I want both of my babies, but I guess Charlie can hold his little princess" Elsie giggled tiredly reaching her hands out for her baby boy who had fallen asleep. Kissing his forehead gently a single tear slipping from her eyes.

Charles was perched next to Elsie on the bed Baby girl Carson in his hands ever the gentle soul Charles kissed his daughter's forehead lovingly she opened her unfocused eyes and looked at her father "well hello little one" Charles said looking lovingly down at her

"oh my big bear of a man" chuckled looking over at her daughter and husband. Turning slightly to wipe his cheeks and steal a kiss from him "Richie please come here" Elsie said sticking her hand out for him to take

Looking to his wife for support Richard stood still not sure what he should do "Go love" Isobel soothed placing her hand lovingly on his back

Walking slowly over to Elsie he reached out to take her outstretched hand. Both choking back tears Elsie looked at him and said "I know you miss Bennie Richard but him Lorelei and Fergus are all looking down on us and protecting us and I know they sent these twodown here for us to be a family or as close as we once where" Elsie said squeezing his hand tightly "now please Richie hold your niece or your nephew just please hold one of them" Elsie begged looking him in the eyes

"go on love hold him" Isobel nudged gently placing her hand on her husband's shoulder placing her chin on top of her hand kissing his neck in a loving manner

Reaching out to take his niece from her father "hello you aren't you just precious little one you know you remind me of your big sister a spitting image of your mother" Richard choked when the baby started to fuss Richard started to gently rock her "Ssshhh my darling petal uncle Richie has you you're safe love" Richard soothed

"I think they might be hungry" Elsie reaching out for her daughter as Charles helped her to get their son situated at her breast before helping her daughter to latch on to her other breast her fresh night gown having a tie at the front Isobel claiming it was one of the one she had from when Mathew was a baby. Clarkson's leaving to give the new family some privacy deciding tea would be a welcomed idea.

Once down in the kitchen Richard finally broke the weight of everything going on at the moment finally hit him.

"Oh, Richard love it's alright" Isobel soothed taking him into her arms

Calming down enough to talk Richard rasped "I'm so happy for Elsie she is like the little sister I never had we grew up together and she deserves happiness but I don't know how I can get passed the feeling of thinking it should be my niece's child I'm holding but I'm not because my brother and my niece where both taken from me before their time"

"oh, Richard I know it hurts to think these things, but Elsie needs you. She needs her big brother" Isobel replied

"aye" Richard replied

While this revelation was going on in the kitchen another revelation was going on up in the bedroom in which the new father and mother along with their much loved and wanted babies resided.

"Charles you must know I didn't tell you the complete truth about my first marriage because it is too painful of a past for me to bare so you see I would rather not bring it up, but you deserve to know. You see my first marriage was an arranged marriage my father arranged it wanting me to have a vast amount of land to take care of so that way I would have money to care for my sister. My son Fergus he was born the wrong way around like our little boy here except her never breathed he was a stillborn, the cord was wrapped around his neck. About a year later my little girl Lorelai was born she was a princess from the day she was born she had her dad wrapped around her finger from the minute she was born just like our little girl and you but she died four months after her birth I had to run to the market for some things for support really quick and Bennie was asleep on the settee with her on his chest when I left and the house caught fire while I was gone. And when I got back, and the house was burnt to the ground I ran from Scotland as fast as I could I ran from the past and the pain and never said anything until Richard my brother-in-law found me here, then I married you and these two miracles came along and now you know. I get it if you want nothing to do with me, but please at least have something to do with your children." Elsie was silently crying looking down at her children as they nursed she was so distraught at the idea that her husband wanted nothing to do with her.

"Elsie love I could never want nothing to do with you. And I'm not mad I know how hard it can be to bring up past tragedies that hurt as much as I could only imagine it would" Charles replied kissing her forehead "I love you too much for that"

"I love you too Charlie always" Elsie sighed nuzzling into the crook of his neck

"Always" he replied brushing his hand over his daughter's head kissing his son's head which was still nuzzled against his wife's breast

"now I believe these two need names" Elsie chuckled looking down at her babies before moving to burp her baby girl showing her husband how to burp their son properly "now I want to give them good strong Scottish names" Elsie replied

Elsie and Charles had decided upon names for both of their children Elsie winning out on the Scottish names allowing Charles to have an English name for each the perfect mix of the two. While Charles and Richard where down in the den having a drink to celebrate the new arrivals

"you know I had the oddest thing happen while I was on the train here" Charles said looking at Richard deciding that if Richard was going to be in his and Elsie's life from now on he mine as well get to know the man.

"aye and what was that" Richard replied

"I met a lad names Edward Clarkson he said he was coming to see his uncle that apparently he hasn't met before, but he heard that he had recently gotten married" Charles answered

"aye that is odd my sister doesn't have any sons named Edward he's probably just someone who happens to share my name" Richard replied

"most likely but I figured I would warn you just in case he comes around" Charles replied

While this conversation was happening down stair with in the den Isobel and Elsie where upstairs cuddling with the babies Isobel with baby girl Carson and Elsie with her little boy who she was keen on parting with due to almost losing him.

"now that you know about my past and my relation to Richard I want to ask you and Richard a question" Elsie said not taking her eyes off her son

"well I'll go call for our husbands then "Isobel replied

Coming back into the room with Richard and Charles both.

"what was it you wanted to ask us Petal" Richard asked walking towards the bed with Isobel

"well Charles and I decided that we would love for you two to be our babies god parents" Elsie said with tears glistening in her eyes

"oh Elsie I don't know what to say…… of course we will" Isobel replied whereas Richard just looked at Elsie tears glistening in his eyes. They made eye contact and he whispered thank you before walking out of the room to collect himself. Growing up Richard had always thought of Elsie as his younger sister that he never had. Elsie just motioned for them to give him a minute. Walking back into the room Richard was beckoned over to the bed by Elsie.

"would you like to hold your new nephew" Elsie asked. To which Richard gave a shy nod to. Elsie handed her newborn son over to her oldest friend wiping tears from her eyes.

"Isobel Richard I would like you two to meet your new niece and nephew Theodore Graham Carson and his sister Fraya Nannette Carson." Elsie smiled

"oh Elsie those are beautiful names" Isobel said "hello little Fraya" she cooed down at the baby in her arms

"well hello little Theo do you know that you're a middle name with your uncle Richie's little brother" Clarkson choked out even to this day thinking of his little brother made a lump form in his throat. Swallowing past the lump her thought about how happy he was that Elsie had a second chance at love and motherhood. "thank you for honoring our Ben in such a way Elsie and thank you Charles for letting her honor him in such a way"

Speaking for both of them Elsie said "Richard I will always think of you as my brother and Bennie will always be with us and so will Lorelei and Fergus, but I want you to move on with me. It's what Benny would have wanted for the both of us" Elsie said sitting up slowly with the help of Charlie reaching out to brush her sons head lovingly "I believe that Benny sent me Mr. Carson and then little Fraya and Theo for I reason which I think is to give us a second chance at being a family and to heal our once strong relationship" Else sniffle her voice cracking as she spoke reaching back for her husband's hand for comfort and support.

"aye Benny always wanted the best for his lasses" Richard replied his voice breaking as he spoke

"aye that he did" Elsie chuckled bittersweetly

"Richard, I know this might be awkward for you it's a bit uncomfortable for me, but I agree with my wife, you deserve to be our children's Uncle from what I've heard you were like a big brother to my girl her. So that means you protected her when I wasn't around, you protected her so that way she could find me, and for that I will forever be grateful to you" Charles choked reaching his hand out for a friendly handshake

Theodore started to fuss so Richard bounced his body soothingly in a rocking motion whispering to him humming to sooth the fussing. Elsie not moving an inch to take her son and sooth him herself but allowing Richard to sooth him knowing it was a big step for her brother-in-law.

"Isobel do you have any paper I could use to write a letter to a friend that demanded to know when my baby arrived and I wanna do it before I forget this whole pregnancy brain kicks back in" Elsie chuckled looking to Isobel

"I'll go grab some and bring it up with the tea" Isobel replied handing little Fraya over to her mother before leaving the room

"who are you writing to may I ask Petal" Richard inquired

"Mags actually she works in Beck's care home and we ran into her when we went to tell her about Charlie and the baby" Elsie replied

"ah I haven't seen Margaret since she ran off to be a nurse" Richard replied

"aye she wants to come down and meet the babies well she thinks it's just one baby" Elsie replied

"tea and paper" Isobel called before Charles opened the door for her walking into the room she deposited the tea tray and the paper over Elsie' lap

"thank you, Isobel," Elsie replied as she began to write her letter to Margaret.

A few days later once everyone recovered from the storm the night of the twins' birth there was a knock at the door. Running to answer it Isobel looked through the peep hole seeing a woman and a man about her age she assumed it was Richard and Elsie's friend who had come down from Lytham St. Annes.

"Hello, you must be Margaret" Isobel said opening the door

"And you must be Isobel Elsie told me all about you this is my husband Benjamin Clarkson" Margaret Replied.


	5. Part 5

"you can't be your supposed to be dead" Isobel gasped "RICHARD" she yelled down the hall closing the door in their faces

"Isobel what is it what wrong" Richard called running out of the guest room where he was talking to Elsie. "ye look as though you've seen a ghost Issy"

"I think I did" Isobel said taking his hand and rushing him towards the door where the couple from Lytham St. Annes where perched. Swinging the door open for Richard to see

"Richard, I expect answers as to why you wife I presume just slammed the door in our faces" Margaret fumed

"B... Benjamin" Richard stuttered look at the man he thought was dead for the past thirty years

"Hi Richard" Benjamin replied sticking his hand out for a handshake

"you need to leave Benjamin Elise can't know you're here she just had two babies and she does need this Mags you may stay but Ben you will come with me I need to speak with you" Richard demanded grabbing the man that was basically a strange to Richard at this point.

Shocked by the quick change of events Margaret didn't have a chance to fight against it so she walked into the house of her Brother-in-law. "not a word of your husband to Elsie please there is so much that I think you do not know about their past" Isobel said before ushering her into the room that housed the Carson family. "Elsie lass we have someone here who wants to see you" Isobel said walking into the room to Elsie nursing her babies

"oh, Mags I'm so glad you came sorry about the state of myself, but you know they want what they want, and they want it now" Elsie chuckled

"it's alright lassie I understand I have six kids myself and all but one I breast fed myself" Mags replied

Once she was done burping her babies Elsie and Charles made their formal introductions "well don't you look just like my little girl Lori" Mags giggled holding little Fraya

"I didn't know you had an adopted daughter mags then again I don't think I ever got the chance to meet your family" Elsie chuckled

"yeah she is my husband's first daughter from his first marriage his wife died during child birth. Such a sad thing really I don't know what I would do if my husband died" Mags said looking down at the baby in her arms

"aye me neither" Elsie choked back tears "I don't think I ever told you but I married Richard's brother Benjamin we had a daughter Lorelei was her name and a son Fergus but he died before he was born anyways they died in a fire about thirty years ago" Elsie sniffled deciding her oldest friend deserved to know this part of her life

Handing little Fraya off to her father Mags made a B-line for the trashcan before losing the contents of her stomach

"Are you alright Margaret" Charles asked

"aye just a bit of motion sickness left over from the train" Margaret replied "I'm gonna go get some fresh air" She waved them off as she walked out the bedroom door followed by Isobel

"I'll go make sure she is alright" Isobel excused herself before leaving the room

Once outside Margaret's chest started to heave in deep breath as tears started to run down her cheeks "Oh God" she cried bending over

"now you see why Richard reacted the way he did and why he didn't want Benjamin in the house for Elsie to see your husband has been lying to you for the last thirty years of your knowing each other Lorelei or Lori as you call her is Elsie and Benjamin's daughter the one Elsie believes to be dead" Isobel said looking at Margaret as she started to calm from her emotional state

"I can't believe he lied to me for our entire life together. Oh God poor Elsie she thinks her husband and her oh her poor heart she thinks her baby girl is dead" Margaret cried "oh I could kill that man where did you husband take him"

"Benjamin you have five seconds to explain why you aren't dead" Richard growled when they reached the empty school house shed which was secluded enough that no one would hear the yelling

"I had good reason Richard I did it for our girl Rich" Benjamin yelled

"my arse you did it for Elsie" Richard cried "now answer me why you have one more chance"

"I knew she wasn't happy so I planned to leave and let her be free but the fire started so I once I got Lor – bug safe from the fire I realized that was my chance to leave as painlessly as possible for Elsie it was better that she thought I was dead so she could move on and move away from Argyll" Ben explained

"do you know the pain and heartbreak you put us through Elsie especially she was so sick with grief that she almost killed herself over it she thought she lost you and her baby girl and you know what losing Fergus did to her well take that and multiply it by ten then you only have a fraction of the effect" Richard screamed "why, why did you come back" Richard cried

"I don't know why I came back Mags dragged me here I didn't want to come I didn't want you guys to find out" Ben replied

"well it's too late now I know and I get the feeling Elsie is going to tell her about you because she finally picked up the piece from yours and Lorelei supposed death and now she is finally happy and has two beautiful babies and a loving caring husband who wouldn't leave her" Richard said "so I don't want you back in my house I don't want you near" He warned

"Richard please let me see her you know I loved her please you have to understand I did it for her own benefit if I hadn't of left she wouldn't be happy and where she is now please let me see her" Ben cried

"no not a chance Ben" Richard said before walking away from his brother

"Benjamin Graham Clarkson I'm going to ring your neck for lying to me for thirty years" Margaret screamed storming over towards them an apologetic Isobel trailing behind her

"Maggie please let me explain" Benjamin tried to defend himself

"no, no you had your chance every day for the past thirty years and that poor girl Lori thought her mother died when she was born she blamed herself for so many years thinking she killed her own mother all because you were a coward" Margaret screamed slapping Benjamin leaving an angry red mark on his left cheek "how dare you"

"I can explain Maggie please let me explain" Benjamin cried

"you have five seconds" Margaret warned

"you see my marriage to Elsie was an arranged marriage by our fathers when we were still wee little babes and I knew she wasn't happy living her life out as a farmer's wife so I planned to leave her and let her be free but then Lorelei came along and I couldn't bring myself to do it but then a fire broke out in our home and I saw it as my chance to leave as painlessly as possible. Then when I met you well I couldn't bring myself to tell you I mean we've loved each other for years now and I didn't want to break your heart" Benjamin tried to defend himself

"so that's why you said you and your family were estranged because of a really bad fight you had had over what was again oh yeah you love life" Margaret screamed

"I had to protect you and Lor-Bug you have to understand that please Maggie" Benjamin cried falling on his knees begging

"I don't understand why you had to do what you did because that woman you left has suffered for thirty odd years because of your cowardice I don't know how I would survive if you and our children died but you put her through helland you are not going to bring it back up by waltzing back into her life like this" Margaret replied "now I want you to go to the inn where our Edward is staying and I want you to stay there till I come to talk with you and trust me buddy we have a lot of talking to do" Margaret warned before marching off Richard and Isobel following behind

The following day Margaret came back with news, Richard, Isobel and Margaret all deciding that Elsie deserved a chance to get to know her daughter. All three walked into the room Benjamin sitting impatiently in the living room waiting.

"hey Els, love how are you and the wee ones this morning" Margaret said walking into the room

"we are fantastic Mags actually we have full bellies and we are just waiting for daddy to wake up isn't that right my little loves" Elsie giggle placing her hands lovingly on their bellies as the stretched and squirmed on the mattress

"mmm Elsie" Charles murmured slowly waking from his slumber

"Daddy's awake my little loves" Elsie giggled as Charles stretched out to kiss his wife and gently rub their bellies

"oh good Elsie you might want to hold on to your babies for this one" Isobel warned

"what, what's wrong what's going on is something wrong with my babies" Elsie cried near hysterics

"no love nothing's wrong with you wee ones" Richard soothed "It's actually about Ben" he replied quietly

"what about him we've already dug up the past let's not dig it back up again" Elsie sighed

"and I understand your hesitance about it but you see he is alive and he is currently sitting downstairs sitting in my living room" Margaret replied

"wow thanks. I tell you all the pain from my past and you use it against me as a joke not funny nor is it cool alright now I don't want to be rude or anything but piss off" Elsie said before picking up her babies and cuddling in to her husband's chest tears brimming in her eyes

Getting impatient Ben walked up to the guest room door listening in on the conversation. Hearing Elsie's disbelief. He opened the door and called out gently "bana-phrionnsa" or princess in Gaelic a nickname he used for her when they were children "Bennie" Elsie said almost as though she was a child again and her Ma had finished yelling at her for protecting Becky"aye" Ben smiled looking at Elsie"no, it can't be your supposed to be dead you…. you died in the house fire along with our little girl" Elsie said going as white a sheet before her eyes rolled back in her head from her shock

"ELSIE" Charles cried catching her before she fell onto the babies that she had placed between herself and her husband when she turned her back to the three Clarkson's

"well is she going to be alright" Charles demanded "you three just couldn't wait to tell her your news could you she just had a stressful and trying birth not even a week ago and you think you can land her with this news shame on all three of you and as for you Mr. Clarkson shame on you for what you put my wife through" Charles reprimanded "now the minute she is better I want to transfer her to our own home she doesn't need people like you threatening her wellbeing in her life right now" Charles stated matter of factly

"Charles you have to understand we thought she deserved to know she deserved a chance to meet her daughter" Richard replied

"yes, well don't you think you should have consulted with her husband first before you laid a whopper like this on her" Charles cried

"Mmmm, Charlie" Elsie murmured nuzzling into the bed reaching out for him

"I'm right here my love" Charles soothed running over to her running his hand across her forehead

"I had the strangest dream, Ben was still alive, and he showed up and it turns out he was married to Margaret" Elsie chuckled

"Elsie love that wasn't a dream" Charles whispered gently

"oh god" Elsie cried seeing Ben sitting in the corner "wait if your alive is our Lor-Bug alive please say yes" Elsie cried desperately

"yes, she is Oh Elsie she is so beautiful she is like the spitting image of her mother oh you would love her she is married and has a little boy and girl of her own" Ben replied

"why you bastard I do love her she's my baby girl you took her from me and for what because you thought I wasn't happy so you had to go off and do some heroic thing and save me from my life well news flash I was content with my life I had you and Lorelei and I hoped to have some more children with you give you a son but I see you've accomplished that already haven't ye with Mags you took my baby girl from me and I will never forgive you for that, but I do want to see my little girl that is if she wishes to see me, but she might not wish to see me because of you" Elsie cried frightening the babies into crying "all of you out except for you Charlie I want you to stay but everyone else out and Richard Isobel I will be out of your hair by this evening" Elsie demanded before slowly getting up and walking stiffly to the bassinet in which her babies lay screaming their little heads off "Ssshhh my loves mommies here and mommy is never going to leave you and she is going to always protect youlike she couldn't protect your big sister" Elsie cried soothing her babies before she collapsed to her knees crying in agony at the thought of her daughter who she thought was dead and she couldn't stand the fact that she wasn't there for her when she need her as a child and it was all because of that man.

"oh, Elsie my love I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that heartache because of that coward" Charles cried along with her not knowing what he would do if Elsie or one of their babies died let alone all three of them

The cries coming from Elsie where agonizing for Charles every time she cried out he felt his heart rip into pieces slowly cry by cry piece by piece. He held her close to him rocking her back and forth slowly as her body shook with each and every agonizing cry.

Once she was calmed down some ten minutes later. "Charles please take me home I wanna go home please take me home" she cried

"I'll take you home now actually while you were out from the shock I called the house and asked for a car to come and get us, so they are sending a car down for us now" Charles replied

Two minutes later they were packed and down in the car each with a baby in their arms Elsie with little Theo and Charles with little Fraya.

"Richard you know where we live if Lorelei choose to see me then please send her my way if not Benjamin I don't wish to see you and Mags I understand you didn't know so I'm not mad at you but I wish for you to stay in my babies lives but I will not have your husband in their lives. Richard, Isobel, thank you for everything you have done for me and my family I will forever be grateful to you for what you have done and I wish for you to also stay in my babies lives" Elsie said before hugging each of the Clarkson's Except for Benjamin who went in for a hug but she put her hand up to stop him a tear slipping down her cheek "No" was all she said before turning her back and stepping into the cab of the Vehicle with the help of Charles

"thank you both for bring my wife and our babies through safely you may never understand how much that means to me" Charles said before closing the door on his wife's side and walking to his side of the cab with Fraya nuzzled snuggly in his embrace

Upon their arrival home Benjamin and Margaret decided they would speak with Lorelei as soon as possible.

"Bana-phrionnsa" Benjamin called seeing his slightly pregnant daughter walk up the lane with her little boy and girl at her sides her husband following closely behind

"Papa" the little toddlers called sprinting into the open arms of their grandfather

"Hello, my little ones" he smiled down at them

"Da I'm so glad you home form Yorkshire" Lorelei said hugging her father and kissing his cheek lovingly

"hello sweet pea" he replied kissing her cheek "Lor-bug we need to talk" he said seriously

"Da what's wrong your scaring me" Lorelei said before following her da into the house calling back to her husband "Michael take the children over to the barn to see the horses please"

"you might want to sit sweet pea" Benjamin said before going into the kitchen to retrieve Margaret

"Mama what's going on Da won't tell me what's happening" Lorelei was getting anxious she was always and anxious fearing something would happen to her loved ones around the next corner

"It's alright baby girl Da just has something her needs to tell you please let him get it all out before you say anything" Margaret soothed sitting down next to her adoptive daughter

"Lor-Bug I… well I lied to you and I fear I may have hurt a lot of the people whom I love and whom have or do love me" Benjamin started "you see you mother didn't die giving birth to you she didn't actually die at all I was a coward and when our family home burnt down and she was away at the market I decided to take you and run because I didn't think you mother was happy with how her life turned out you see she wasn't meant to be just some ordinary farmers wife from Scotland. But now she knows we are alive and she wishes to see you and I'm sorry for any pain I have cause you growing up and now please find it within yourself somewhere to forgive me eventually" Benjamin rambled

"I can't be hear this correctly you've waited till now to tell me that my mother is out there somewhere, and she has thought we were dead for the past thirty years and it's all because of a coward's choice you made. So for all these years I've blamed myself for my mother's death and you let me go through that for all those years when in truth my mother was out there suffering because she thought I was dead you took my mother from me" Lorelei cried hot angry tears streaming down her cheeks as she stood abruptly "Michael gather the children we are leaving and as you for you Benjamin I don't wish to see you anymore I don't know for how long but I need time Mama please do come around I know you didn't know but I don't want him in my life or my children's lives if this is who he truly is" Lorelei stated before storming out of the house. Piling into the car Benjamin came running out to stop her from leaving but all he caught was the dust coming off her tires

Falling to his knees Benjamin cried for all the mistakes he had made deciding his best option was to give his daughter space he walked back into his home and to the guest room knowing his wife wasn't on speaking terms with him either.

Two days later Lorelei received a letter in the mail from her mother that read

Dear Lor-Bug,

I know this is hard for you to understand, but I do want you to know your mother so enclosed is the address for her cottage with her husband and two newborn twin children in the village of Downton in Yorkshire

Love Always,

Your Mama

A singular tear rolled down her cheek before she started to pack a bag for a long stay in the village of Downton.

"Michael I have to do this for me and for our children I love and I don't know when I will be home but I want you to meet her after I get to know her so maybe you can come down with the children" Lorelei explained before saying goodbye to both of her toddlers then her husband before boarding a train heading for the village of Downton.

A few days after coming home to their cottage another crib purchased and currently being set up for their little surprise baby. Elsie and Charles where slowly adjusting to the life of being new parents Elsie for a second time in her life and Charles for the first both where tired and all disorientated. But they were both in love with their little miracles and where happy beyond compare. This morning they were lying in their bed as their babies laid on the bed in front of them stretching and squirming with their mother and fathers hand protectively placed on their stomachs. When a knock came at the door. Elsie demanded Charles stay with the babies and that she was well enough to get the door to her own home.

Walking downstairs and over towards the front door calling out "I'm Coming" when the person continued to knock. What she saw behind the door was not what she expected. There stood a younger version of her sister Becky, but she was different she had the definitive sign of a baby bump growing under her dress and she had light blond hair. Almost as if you took a younger Elsie and Richard Clarkson and morphed them into one person.

"Hello my name is Lorelei Clarkson and you must be Elsie Hughes or Mam as I have always called you" Lorelei said reaching her hand out to shake her hand only to be pulled into a loving embrace


	6. Part 6

"oh my baby girl" Elsie cried "oh I'm so sorry please do come in and forgive me for my outburst it's just I always wondered what you would look like if you had lived and now you're here right in front of me" Elsie said stepping back from the door allowing Lorelei into the home "oh and look at you your glowing my girl, oh I guess I should stop calling you my girl since you don't really know me it's just I've missed you so much you were and still are my miracle baby I don't know if Benjamin has told you about your older brother or not but he died in child birth and…" Elsie was rambling nervously now

"Mammy stop" Lorelei said reaching out to her mother feeling an instant pull towards the woman like she knew her even though she was only in her life for approximately four months of her being here and the nine month she carried her

"Oh, Mo bhana-phrionnsa" Elsie cried hearing her daughter call her mammy was something Elise had always yearned to hear. Her mother calling her my princess in Gaelic was Lorelei's undoing she started to cry with years of pent up anguish over not knowing her mother she would always love Margaret as a daughter to her mother, but she missed having the woman who gave birth to her in her life. "Oh, baby girl it's alright I'm here and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon" Elsie said taking her daughter into her arms and rocking her how she always wished to sooth her. Instinctively Elsie started to sing a lullaby she had song to Lorelei when she was a baby for the four month's she got to hold her in her arms. "Bà bà mo leanabh beag (Ba ba my wee baby) Bidh thu mòr, ged tha thu beag (You will be big, though you are small) Bà bà mo leanabh beag (Ba ba my wee baby) Chan urrainn mi gad thàladh (I cannot lull you) Dè a ghaoil a nì mi ruit? (What, my dear, will I do with you?) Dè a ghaoil a nì mi ruit? Dè a ghaoil a nì mi ruit? Gun bhainne cìche agam dhut (Without breastmilk to give you?) Gun bhainne cìche agam dhut Gun bhainne cìche agam dhut Gun bhainne cìche agam dhut Eagal orm gun gabh thu cruip (I am afraid you might get croup) Eagal orm gun gabh thu cruip Eagal orm gun gabh thu cruip Eagal orm gun gabh thu cruip Le buigead a' bhuntàta (With the softness of the potatoes)" kissing her daughters head with a singular tear rolling down her cheeks

"Elsie who was it" Charles called coming down the stairs a baby in each arm he was growing more confident when it came to carrying around their babies

"oh Charlie it's my baby girl" Elise cried turning around to face her husband "Lorelei this is my husband Charles Carson and your siblings Fraya and Theodore" Elsie introduced

"oh hello" Lorelei said looking shyly at Charles

"Hello young lady I apologize this is probably not how you expected to find your mother's new husband after finding out about everything" Charles chuckled handing little Theo off to his mother so he could reach out and shake Lorelei's hand

"I honestly never thought I would get a chance to meet my mother so you walking down the stairs in your Pajamas with two babies in your arms doesn't both me at all" Lorelei choked still standing against her mother not wanting to loose contact with her in fear that she would disappear again. Theodore reached out and grabbed a strand of Lorelei's long auburn hair in his tiny fist "Oh Hello little one" Lorelei giggled looking down at the baby in her mother's arms

"I think he likes his big sister, wanna hold him love" Elise asked looking towards her daughter

"are you sure you don't really know me yet you're going to trust me with your new born baby" Lorelei asked

"you're my daughter my baby girl I carried you inside of me four nine months I nursed you for four months I have loved you for the past thirty years I know you I trust you with my life and I hope you will learn to trust and love me as well" Elsie said lifting her hand to her daughter's cheek to wipe to tears that where falling

"I do love you and I trust you more than anything you haven't lied to me about my mother for thirty years or done any of the things my Da has done" Lorelei said nuzzling her cheek into Elise's palm

"oh my girl" Elsie sighed leading her towards the settee in their living room which was the first room when you walk into the cottage

"here take him Charlie can you please go make some tea please here I'll take Fraya" Elsie said standing on her tip toes and kissing her husband as a thank you

Sitting down on the settee next to her daughter who ended up laying her head on her mother's shoulder her mother resting her head on top of hers.

"I have all of my babies in one room well all except your older brother, but he is here I can feel it" Elsie said kissing her daughters head

"I have an older brother" Lorelei said looking up at her mother

"Aye you do his name was Fergus and he died at birth he was born the wrong way round like this little monkey here" Elsie chuckled sadly gently grazing her sons face with her hand "how far along are ye Mo bhana-phrionnsa"

"oh I'm about six months gone now this is my third child I have a boy and a girl with my husband Michael my little boy he is my youngest his name's Hamish and my little girl her name's Elspeth after you because of all the things my father had told me he told me your name and how much you loved me before I was born and how you told the doctor to save me before you which I'm guessing actually happen but you just didn't die like her said you did"

"Oh, Mo bhana-phrionnsa" Elsie sniffled not knowing what to say "tha gaol agam ort air a 'chaileag"

"tha gaol agam ort cuideachd roim" Lorelei said before her eyes involuntarily closed from the feeling of comfort that this woman whom she didn't really know but was her mother had given off since she first opened the door

This was how Charles found them Elsie holding their little girl while her daughter held their son Lorelei asleep in her mother's lap Theo on her chest. Sensing Charles' presence Elsie looked up and lifted her hand to her lips placing her index finger against her lips and wrapping her lips around it in a shushing motion. From years of experience of being a silent as possible when placing tea trays down he gently placed the tray on the coffee table in front of his wife and step daughter. Once he stood back up again he made his way to the back of the settee then leaned over to kiss his wife's forehead. She looked up at him tears glistening in her eyes. Without saying anything he leaned down to kiss her solidly on the lips.

Deciding it was probably best if he started on brunch since neither of them had eaten breakfast yet but it was getting to close to tea time for them to eat breakfast. Watching as he husband went upstairs to change before coming down to start of their brunch. She smiled she couldn't quite figure out how she got to be so lucky two new babies and loving husband and her baby girl back safely in her arms.

An hour later when their meal was ready Charles had taken Fraya out of his wife's arms, so she could wake her daughter and they could enjoy their meal.

"mo bhana-phrionnsa" Elsie breathed as she gently brushed hair from Lorelei's cheek gently coaxing her to wake from her gentle slumber.

"Mmmm Mammy" Lorelei whimpered turning her head into her mother's abdomen

"time to wake up Lor-Bug" Elsie soothed coaxing her daughter to wake up fully "Charlie has prepared some food for us love" Elsie giggled as Lorelei groaned looking up into her mother's eyes

"oh alright" She grumbled before sitting up gently her hands protectively wrapped around Theo who had passed out on her chest.

"that's my girl" Elsie said before standing herself her legs waking up from being numb from sitting for so long with Lorelei's head on her lap she turned to take Theo from Lorelei, so he could lay in the basinet with his sister. They had bought a second one for the twins but at the moment they wouldn't sleep unless they were together at night when their parents laid them down. So, they kept one downstairs for when they were down there.

Once they were all seated at the dining room table each with their respectful bowls of stew that Charles had warmed from a basket Mrs. Patmore had sent with him when he left London to get home to Elsie.

"so Charlie may I call you Charlie" Lorelei said looking at Charles from her placing sitting next to her mother

"yes you may now I know this might be a bit forward of me and I don't want to scare you away from your mother or anything but I just want you to know that I can and will be here if ever you need something I know how much you mean to my wife and I know you must have some hard feeling for your own father right now but ah.." he coughed at the end his embarrassment getting the better of him

"thank you, Charlie, and there is no need to be embarrassed my big man" Elsie said looking at him with such love in her eyes that even though she couldn't reach him to give him a kiss he felt it none the less

"yes thank you Charlie I hope to build a good relationship with both you and my Mam and I wanna bring my Husband and children to meet you two actually I plane on sending out a letter to him tonight to bring them down here is that is alright with you in all honesty we have been looking to move to England to run a farm of our own and maybe we can look into moving into a tenant farm here in Downton" Lorelei started to ramble just her mother when she got nervous her mouth wouldn't stop moving.

"Lor-Bug calm down of course you can send a letter to you husband I would love to me the man who stole my girl's heart and her children and we can talk about the tenant farms later when Michael is here and maybe tomorrow we can go to you uncle's house and you can meet him and his wife and step daughter." Elsie soothed reaching her hand out to grasp her daughters hand.

"my uncle I have an uncle" Lorelei said her eyes going wide

"aye you do his name is Richard and he is you father's older brother he has been more of a brother to me my whole life also and he is the one who helped me to deliver you and the rest of my babies" Elsie said

"I remember Mama talking about a man named Richie once when she was talking to my father" Lorelei said not knowing how much her referring to Margaret as her Mama felt like someone had taken a knife and shoved in through Elsie's heart then twisted it just to taunt her

Cleaning her throat Elsie said "Aye that's him" before she got up before Lorelei could see her tears "I'm going to go check on the babies" Elsie attempted before rushing from the room.

"did I say something" Lorelei asked with big puppy dog eyes the last thing she wanted to do was hurt her mother when she had just found her.

"no lass you haven't hurt her she just needs some space for a few minutes to gather herself I'm going to go check on her though you just stay here and eat your stew" Charles said reaching his hand out to sooth the younger woman

"Elsie" Charles called walking into the living room where they had decided to keep the basinet so that babies could sleep in peace, but they could still hear them if they cried. She didn't turn to look at him when he called her name, but he saw her shoulders shake with her silent anguish. "oh, Elsie my love it's alright" Charles soothed

"NO, IT'S NOT" Elsie screamed turning from his arms. Her chest was heaving from the panic attack that was slowly setting in. "my baby girl is sitting in their referring to another woman whom I grew up with, we were as close as sisters and now she has the place of my baby's mother that should be me Charles not Margaret. I was supposed to be the one she wanted when she was sick. I should be the one she refers to her as mother not Margaret. It's all because of that bastard that my father made me marry." She was slowly losing steam, but she refused to stop until she was done "I cried for months after Ben left I thought my baby was dead I named my son after that coward. He ruined my life Charles. I missed everything in my baby's life I didn't hear her first words I didn't feed her, her first solid food I didn't get to catch her when she fell because she was still new to walking I didn't get any of that. And now she is back and by god I'm so happy I have her in my arms again, but I can't help but think about everything I missed in her life that I will never get back." Elsie was screaming tears running down her red swollen face as ran her hand halfway through her hair which incased her body in almost a cocoon like structure. Her chest was heaving from the emotion that she had just released she start to collapse against herself bringing her knees towards her chest as she crumbled to the ground in front of the basinet that held her screaming babies that had woken to the sound of their mother's anguish "oh God my baby girl thought I was dead this entire time and she blamed herself" she started to rock back and forth on the ground something she had picked up from when she was a child and her mother yelled at her for something Becky had done.

Seeing his wife crumble like this was something Charles never thought her would witness and it was scaring him along with breaking his heart. He stood frozen to his spot as the world seemed to slow down in front of him his wife rocking on the floor and the piercing cried coming from his babies in the basinet beside her finally pushed him in action. His first action was to gather his sobbing wife into his arms. "Elsie love, breath for me please deep breaths in and out that's it love. That's my girl" he smiled looking down at her "I know it's hard I do. But please love I'm here for you and Theo and Fraya aren't going anywhere without the two of us and Lorelei she wants to be in your life she wants her mother she loves her mother. She loves you Elsie. Now as for Theodore's name we can change it if you want to we have signed the certificates of birth yet, so we can change those tomorrow when we go to see the Clarkson's alright." Charles soothed rocking her in his arms to calm her

"Oh my babies Mommy's so sorry she made you upset" Elsie soothed looking up into the basinet she didn't dare look at Charles for fear of the pity she knew would be in his eyes. She reached her hand into the basinet and place it across the twin's abdomen calming them immediately feeling the calming of their mother's hand on them.

"Elsie love look at me please" Charles begged

"I can't Charlie I just can't I don't need to see your pity on the crazy old bat who just had a mental breakdown right in front of her newborn babies" Elsie choked out

"I don't pity you love I understand that every now and then people hit a breaking point and you just happened to hit yours and that's ok you not a crazy old bat love I promise now please look at me

Slowly she turned her head up towards his. Her face and eyes both red a puffy from her crying. She kept sniffling from the liquid that was pouring out of her nose at an alarming rate. Her eyes where a dull blue from her outburst. To him she had never looked more beautiful.

"Beautiful" he whispered so that only she could here then bent his head down to kiss her on the lips.


	7. Part 7

"I'm so glad I have you Charles. I know you'll never leave me I do it's just so hard so times." Elsie sighed sniffling a few more times nuzzling her head into his chest

While Elsie's breakdown was occurring in the living room of the cottage Lorelei was in the dining room trying to force herself to eat but she had given up the screaming of her mother was causing her stomach to churn and before she knew it she was making a mad dash for the bathroom that Charles showed her to earlier. She reached the bathroom just in time for her stomach to lose all its contents into the porcelain basin.

Looking up just in time to see the blue flash that was her daughter running past them to the restroom.

"I should probably go check on her" Elsie said before she slowly stood from Charles' arms and slowly sauntered over towards the bathroom still overtly sore from the birth of the twins a week ago.

"Lorelei, Baby Girl" Elsie whispered as she pushed the door open "are you alright Bug" Elsie asked

"I'm so sorry Mumma" Lorelei cried sitting back from the toilet

"what are you sorry for Darling" Elsie asked slowly sinking to the floor next to her daughter taking her in her arms as a form of comfort

"I upset you I upset Da a lot as a child and I didn't want to upset you too but now I made you upset and I broke us I break everything I touch I'm such a failure I'm going to just grab my stuff and leave I'll stay at the Grantham Arms Edward recommended it to me" Lorelei said trying to getup only to be held back by her mother

"now you just wait one second young lady" Elsie said "you are not and never will be a failure nor a burden in my life or Charlie's life and I want you to stay with Charlie and me. I want to get to know my baby girl and I want your siblings to get to know their big sister." Elsie said taking her daughters face in her handshope you will learn to trust me enough to let me in on why you thought you were a failureshe thought it but didn't stay it she didn't want to push too far.

"do you really mean it" Lorelei asked looking at her mother hopefully

"yes I do my darling girl" Elsie said taking her daughter into her arms "now button, did you know I called you button from the minute you were born I called you button because of this cute little button nose you have" Elsie giggled taping her nose for emphasis. "I always loved kissing you on the nose when even I got the chance I would pick you up just to kiss you on the nose I loved your little button nose" Elsie said before kissing Lorelei's nose smiling down at her daughter who started to giggle uncontrollably

That's how Charles found them both sitting on the ground of their loo giggling in each other's arms.

"well I see you two lovely ladies are all set to rights again" Charles chuckled walking into the loo.

"Charlie" They squealed having been caught by surprise by his sudden appearance in the doorway

"Elsie love I think the babies are getting hungry" Charles said

"aye I believe so too my breast seem to be weighing me down" Elsie said struggling to stand up "I'm going to take the babies up to the bedroom Charlie you can stay down here I'll be fine on my own" Elsie replied walking out to the living room and picking up the babies before heading toward the nursery where they had a rocking chair set up with cushions attached to the arm rest allowing Elsie some support for her arms when she feeds the babies

"you sure love I can come up if you want" Charles said following Elsie out into the living room with Lorelei still sitting on the bathroom floor

"I'm fine Charlie I want you to get to know Lorelei and bond with her" Elsie whispered looking him in the eye as if she was telling him the most important secret

"oh" was all he said before Elsie started to walk up the stairs with the babies too feed them

Getting up stair Elsie sat down in the rocking chair. The babies had started crying their hungry finally reaching them.

"Alright mummies little loves she's hurrying" Elsie tried to sooth as she placed them down in the crib, so she could open her blouse to nurse them. "there you go my loves see all better. You two are just like your Da an appetite if I ever saw one" Elsie chuckled smiling down at her babies

"so ah…" Charles coughed awkwardly looking over at Lorelei who was standing awkwardly across from him still in the doorway of the bathroom "tea" Charles asked

"that would be lovely thank you" Lorelei replied "so Charlie if you don't mind my asking what is she like" Lorelei asked looking up at Charlie

"who your mam" Charles asked

"Yeah I don't want to ask her I want to get a glimpse of her from those around her that she cares about and those that care about her also" Lorelei replied

"oh well she I refer to her as my Scottish Dragon, but she really isn't much of a dragon in the fire breathing human eating sense it's only because she knows when she needs to be firm with our charges and when to be a nurturing mothering figure in their life when we are at the abbey" Charles replied

"that's all well and good Charlie but I want to know the Elsie Hughes that you know the one she is when you are around" Lorelei said

"oh well um she is the reason I get up every morning her heart has so much room to love in it every one of our charges at the Abbey look up to her as a mother figure some of those without mothers and some with mothers to go home to, it doesn't matter she was meant to be a mother and a great one at that. She is the very breath that I breathe without her I wouldn't be alive anymore she knows when to be stern with me and with anyone else you should have seen her when, before we got married, we were trying to agree on whether or not we should have the wedding breakfast at the Abbey or in the school house because the family had offered for us to Hold the reception in their main hall. She stood her ground when her Ladyship called upon her to figure out why she was so against having the breakfast at the abbey. I was never as proud of her as I was in that moment when she risked everything for us. Well until now when I held her as she gave life to our twins that was the proudest moment in my life with her" Charles said "she well she is like a light that shines down upon the ground she walks on her being is just so magnificent she doesn't even have to speak and she can have me on my knees crying from the soul she has it's all in her eyes she could tell her how she is feeling at that moment by just looking at you. I would love to have seen her with you as a child, but I see how she is with our babies and I know our babies are the luckiest babies in all of England for they have the most caring and doting mother on their side." Charles said not seeing Elsie who was walking down the stairs listening in on the conversation as she walked down with a baby in each arm tears brimming in her eyes from the emotion she heard in his voice.

"oh" Lorelei murmured tears brimming in her eyes "Charlie did your mother never teach you to not make a pregnant woman crying"

"yeah that and a postpartum woman cry" Elsie chimed in chuckling bittersweetly

"I'm sorry my lasses but Lorelei you wanted to know and Elsie it's all true" Charles smiled reaching out to Elsie's cheek "Every last word" he whispered looking into her eyes before leaning in to kiss her firmly on the lips

The babies gave sharp cry at having been squashed between their parents "Oh" Elsie giggled stepping back and looking down at the babies in her arms "they never did like being squished between the two of us" Elsie chuckled

"no, no they didn't but I think they can learn to forgive their old Dad for loving their Mam as much as he does" Charles said looking down at the twins taking Theo out of Elsie's arms allowing Elsie's arm some much needed relief "now Lorelei we don't really have a guest room or anything with an extra bed for you but what we can offer you is the settee and a nice pillow and a warm blanket" Elsie added

"that's alright Mam" Lorelei said before walking over and kissing her mother's cheek "Good night I love you and good night to you too Charlie" Lorelei said reaching up on her tippy toes in order to kiss his cheek

"good night love" Elsie said kissing her cheek in reply "I will be back down in a minute or two with your pillow and blanket and some paper and a pen, so you can write a letter to your Michael"

"good night Lorelei" Charles replied kissing her cheek also before following his wife up the stairs towards their bedroom

Once they settled the babies into their basinet for the next few hours or at least until they were hungry again.

"I'm going to go give these to Lorelei then I will be back up" Elsie said kissing Charles on the lips before she headed down the stairs towards her Daughter who was curled up in the corner of the settee her hand placed protectively over her stomach as she stared off in space thinking

"Lorelei you're off with the fairies love" Elsie chuckled sitting down next her daughter placing her hand on Lorelei's knees "what kind of wool where you gathering love" Elsie inquired

"oh, just what my life would have been like if my father hadn't done what he did. Or what I would do if what has happened to you happened to me I love my little ones they are my world and as I can see I was yours Theo and Fraya are yours now too" Lorelei said reaching her hand out to touch her mother's hand

"Oh my Darling girl I wish you didn't have to be involved in this I really do but please try not thinking about the what if's I found that throughout the years not focusing on the what if's makes your life much less stress filled" Elsie said turning her hand around taking Lorelei's hand in hers bringing it up to her cheek Elsie leant down and kissed the back of Lorelei's hand "you know you have my Mam's eyes she would have loved you" Elsie said

Lorelei just looked at her mother and smiled before gasping taking the hand that her mother had resting against her warm cheek she moved in to lay over her lower abdomen were her baby was moving inside her.

"come here my darling girl" Elsie said taking Lorelei into her arms

"I love you Mammy" Lorelei said resting her head on her mother's chest

Kissing her daughters head brushing her hand down her head soothing her. They sat like that for twenty minutes before they said their goodnights.

Over at the Clarkson house hold.

"Mama will I get to meet Mrs. Carson's babies" Maddeline cried coming into Crawley house after having stayed in London for the weekend with her big brother Matthew and his wife and son.

"we'll see what Mrs. Carson says Darling but first I'm sure your famished from your little adventure and then it is off to bed for you little miss" Isobel replied picking her ten-year-old daughter up. She was born five months after her father's untimely death. She was the thing that kept her mother going after his death her and her brother. Then she met Richard when Maddie was four they had waited two years before dating then another two before getting engaged and a year for marriage giving Isobel time to settle into the idea of re marrying and to give Richard the time to become acquainted to being a father. Maddie had taken to Richard right away three months into their relationship Maddie started calling him Papa.

"PAPA" Maddeline cried running into the arms of the man she thought of as a father

"M'eudail" Richard chuckled taking her into his arms as she ran to him. The force of her colliding into him caused him to fall back on the ground the pair laughing as Isobel stood over them smiling down and her husband and daughter

"Papa your supposed to catch me and not fall" Maddie giggled

"Yeah Papa why would you fall" Isobel chuckled looking into Richard's eyes

"well young Ms. Crawley your old Papa wasn't expecting all that force what did they feed you when you were in London Petal you're much stronger then when you left of Friday last" Richard chuckled tweaking Maddeline's nose

"silly Papa I'm ten years old of course I'm strong" Maddeline giggled

"yeah silly Papa" Isobel chimed in

"my apologies Milady" Richard chuckled sitting up Maddie still in his lap before helping her to stand so he could follow suite and kiss his wife on the cheek before leaning down to kiss Maddie's cheek causing the girl the giggled

"Papa your whiskers are tickling me" she giggled

"what these whiskers" Richard gasped wiggling his mustache Making Maddie giggled all over again

"Alright you two Maddie needs to eat so she can go take a bath before bed" Isobel instructed

"Yes ma'am" Richard said standing up straight pulling his arm into an L shape with his hand at his brow in a salute position winking over at Maddie

"Ha you think you're so funny Major don't you" Isobel said stepping up to his chest so that way they were chest to chest and she could look him in the eye a playful smirk spread across her face

"well I'm mean…. why yes, I do Mrs. Crawley" Richard chuckled leaning into kiss her they were less than an inch apart their breaths mixing, when she smirked and kissed his nose before turning away from him leaving him disgruntled and shocked in the middle of the dining room. She walked away a teasing chuckled on her lips as she swayed her hips sauntering out of the dining room to go warm up some leftovers from their supper for Maddie to eat.

"why you little minx" Richard called after her

"Papa you and Mama are funny" Maddie giggle before heading over to her spot at the dining room table

When Elsie arrived back into the bedroom she shared with her husband and newborn twins after dropping the spare bed items off with her daughter. She quickly undressed and redressed into her night clothes before crawling into bed curling into her husband's side her head resting against his chest.

"I love you Charlie" Elsie murmured kissing his cloth covered chest

"I love you too Elsie but what's brought this on you seem almost upset by what's happened today" Charles observed

"it's nothing really Charlie just the mindless thoughts and wanderings of an old woman" Elsie replied

"you're not an old woman A and B you could never have a mindless thought" Charles replied "So what is really troubling you"

"oh alright" Elsie sighed sitting up in the bed and facing her husband her legs crossed Indian style "I was thinking about how much I need you to know that I love you and that I love being stuck with you and that I don't want you to ever think that I would change being married to you and having our twins even though it was late in life I wouldn't change any of that and I need you to know that because I can't have another husband run off with my child again especially when I thought they have been dead for thirty plus years I can't go through that again Charles I just can't" Elsie was sobbing at this point

"oh my darling Elsie I will never leave you and I know how much you love me and all those thingsabout me feeling like you don't want to be with me I will always fight for you" Charles replied sitting up and pulling her into his lap kissing her forehead and wiping her tears as she slowly started to settle in his arms allowing him to slowly sink back in the bed so that way they were lying down on the mattress. He reached down and pulled the duvet up and around them her left leg swung up and around his waist and her left arms across his chest her head buried in the crook of his neck as her body shook with the aftermath of the upset she had caused herself. "get some rest love" Charles said bending down and kissing her head again.


	8. Part 8

The next morning after waking up every hour to feed the twins the Carson's forgetting about their guest continued to sleep getting into the routine of sleeping till the babies woke in the mid-morning hours. Elsie woke before Charles the smell of eggs assaulting her nose.

Turning on her side she nuzzled into his side sighing contentedly "mmm Charlie what are you making that smells so good" Elsie mumbled into his side before she sat bolt upright causing an uncomfortable sensation to sear through her lower regions. "oh" she groaned before turning towards Charles and shaking him "Charlie, wake up someone's downstairs cooking something" Elsie said

"mmm what, are you making breakfast Els" Charles groaned slowly waking to see his wife sitting up in their bed still in her night dress "what's wrong Els" Charles questioned looking at his wife and seeing her distress

"someone's downstairs Charles" Elsie said before getting up and walking over to check on the twins

"Elsie calm down love it's probably just Lorelei making breakfast we did sleep in after all and she is pregnant she probably got hungry and couldn't wait up for us love it's alright" Charles said trying to soothe his wife who had herself in a right mess thinking someone got into their home

"oh, Charles how could I forget my daughter was downstairs I guess I still haven't gotten over the effects of pregnancy brain" Elsie chuckled

"it's alright love you have a lot on your mind right now so it is alright that you forget things every now and then" Charles soothed walking over to Elsie placing his hand on her lower back seeing her crying " Oh love it's alright" he soothed taking her into his arms she was overly emotional from only being a week postpartum and lack of sleep from the baby's kicking in the last few months of her pregnancy to the twins themselves needing fed and tended to every hour if not half an hour.

Sniffling and whipping her tears she turned to him kissed his cheek and walked over to their closet to get her dress for the day. "I'm going to take a bath before Fraya and Theodore wake up I'll bring them in the bath with me of course just in case they cry" Elsie replied kissing his cheek in passing

"Alright I'll let Lorelei know that that's where you'll be just in case she needs you" Charles replied kissing her shoulder blade as she bent down towards the basinet, so she could slide it into the bathroom attached to their bedroom.

"Alright Mammy's little loves you two stay asleep while Mammy takes a nice relaxing bath" Elsie instructed bending over and kissing each twin on the stomach then on their teeny tiny rose bud lips.

Filling the bath with searing hot water sprinkling in some bath powder Charles had gotten her as a gift. Before she stripped out of her nightgown before she sunk into the searing water. Sighing contentedly Elsie turned off the tap. Relaxing against the opposite end of the tub. Sighing in contentment Elsie slowly sunk under the water wetting her hair.

Elsie had been in the bathroom for forty-five minutes and Charles was starting to worry so he decided he would go up and check on her while Lorelei finished reheating the food that had gone cold wait for Elsie.

"Elsie" Charles called walking into their empty bedroom figuring she was still in the bath he walked over towards the door knocking first after she didn't reply he crept in to see her under the water of the tub her knees spread and peeking out of the water. He walked over towards her and looked down into her water clouded eyes. She smiled up at him before she emerged from the water her hair flowing behind her making her look like a true siren calling him to her.

"Charlie" she smiled

"Elsie love you've been in the bath for three quarters of an hour" Charles chuckled

"oh" Elsie chuckled before reaching her hand out towards him for a hand up

"tis alight love Lorelei is reheating our breakfast as we speak" Charles replied wrapping her up in a towel and as if on que the twins started to whimper leading into a cry wanting to be changed and fed "I'll change them while you dress" Charles offered

"yes, thank you love" Elsie said kissing his cheek

While Elsie Was getting dressed Charles was sitting on the bed with the babies changing their diapers "it's alright princess mammy is almost done" Charles said placing his hand over Fraya's abdomen lightly rubbing her stomach in a soothing manner

"I knew you would be a good Papa, but I don't think I realized you would be this amazing" Elsie said sauntering over towards the bed kissing Charles on the cheek followed by a kiss to the lips.

"And I knew you would be a great mother but, you my love have blown all my wildest dreams out of the water" Charles replied laying down on the bed between his wife's legs as she situated herself to feed the twins. He rested his head on her stomach kissing her still bulged abdomen.

"well Charles oh one who loves to over indulge his over tired over weight wife in the fineries of compliments what is my lovely girl making for breakfast" Elsie chuckled as he popped his head up from underneath the twins' bodies that rested on top of his wife's abdomen. "your Papa is a silly man" Elsie giggled when Charles lightly tickled her sides in reply "Charlies not while I'm feeding the babies" Elsie admonished

"sorry love" Charles replied sitting up and crawling up the bed to lay next to his wife brushing his hand across each of the babies' cheeks before bending down to kiss their foreheads having gotten over his shyness of seeing his wife like this given the fact that he had watched her give birth to both of the twins.

"so, I've thought about what we should change Theodore's middle name to while I was in the bath" Elsie said changing the subject

"you have, have you" Charles said looking down at his wife from his perch next to her

"Aye and I really think we should change his middle name to Finley" Elsie replied looking up at him

"Theodore Finley Carson" Charles said "I love it" Charles smiled down at Elsie "you hear that little Theo you have a big strong name for my big strong boy" Charles said brushing his hand across his sons foot that was facing towards him at his wife's side

"I love you Charles" Elsie whispered to him

"I love you too my Elsie" He replied before turning his head up towards hers and kissing her solidly on the lips

About fifteen minutes later after the babies where full and burped and fast asleep in their respective parent's arms. The Carson's headed downstairs into the dining room where Lorelei had the food all set out and ready to plate and eat.

"thank you love for making breakfast you really didn't have to" Elsie said walking over towards her daughter and kissing her on the cheek before she sat down readjusting Theodore in her arms.

"oh it's nothing really Mam I just…... well you see I got hungry and I decided to make breakfast for everyone and then this happened and it well it really was nothing and I'm sorry if I offended you somehow I know it's your house you want to be able the take care of your husband and children but I you see I thought it would be a nice treat for you and … and" she rambled rubbing her hands nervously in her lap. Elsie reached out and placed her hand lovingly over Lorelei's stilling her nervous rubbing.

"easy love it is a lovely gesture I'm still not up to par since the twins' arrival, so I thank you for the treat" Elsie said looking her daughter in the eye a smile gracing her lips "I love you and I want you to be comfortable so if you ever get hungry our food is your food I want a nice and fat grandchild" Elsie chuckled reaching her hand up to caress Lorelei's cheek.

"I love you too mam" Lorelei replied nuzzling her face into her mother's soft warm palm. Even though they had only known each other for a day Lorelei felt like she knew her mother for her whole life she had always loved her mother even though she never met her she had always felt like she was close to her mother whenever she need a mother's touch and Margaret wasn't there.

"alright let's eat I'm sure my grandchild is getting hungry" Elsie chuckled changing the conversation before she started to cry. Swiping at her cheeks for extra measure Elsie smiled at Charles who looked at her from across the table with love and worry in his eyes. "I'm alright" she mouthed to him. He just nodded his head in recognition to her reply.

After they ate their breakfasts, they packed up extra nappies and a spare outfit for each of the babies and head out for the Clarkson household. It was to long of a walk for Elsie to handle so Charles had called in a favor from Richard to send his Isobel's car to the Carson's cottage to pick them up.

"my uncle owns a car" Lorelei gasped

"no sweetheart he doesn't own the car it's the car of the family we work for he married into the family by marrying their very distant cousin" Elsie replied

"oh, do they have any children besides his step daughter" Lorelei was very curious about this uncle that she had never met

"no, they have been married for three years but they are around our age" Charles replied

"oh" Lorelei replied

"well he does have a step son also he is grown and is married to the earl's daughter" Elsie added

"so, I have an older cousin then" Lorelei perked up

"yes, you do love but you probably won't meet him for a while he is in London for the season with the family" Elsie replied

Before Lorelei could reply the car rolled to a stop in front of the Clarkson's home hoping out of the car Charles went around to Help Elsie out and to help her get out of the car with Fraya in her arms and Theo in Lorelei's arms car seats having not been a thing back then Lorelei and Elsie had opted to each holding one of the twins.

Once Charles got Elsie out of the car and heading leaning against it he helped Lorelei out of the car taking little Theo out of her arms once she was safely on the ground opting to hold his son while he supported his wife up and into the house the car ride having jostled her more than she was ready for.

Knocking on the door Elsie leaned heavily against Charles fearing that if he wasn't there she might collapse, and Lorelei didn't need that and Fraya was still in her arms and she knew that if she offered to hand her off it would only alarm her husband even more.

"Petal I'm so glad to see you I was just about to come down to the cottage to check up on you and the twins" Richard smiled answering the door

"Papa who's there is it Elsie and the babies" a little voice came followed by the sound of little feet thumping down the hall

"Yes, wee on it is Elsie and she brought the Charlie and the twins and someone else" Richard said taking a look at the group that had shown up on his door step

"ah yes about that Richard I need to speak with you and Isobel alone for a second" Elsie said looking up at Richard

"Maddie love why don't you take Charlie with you into the living room" Richard instructed

"ok Papa come on Charlie I'll show you my new tea set Matthew got me when we were in London" Maddie said before marching off towards the living room Charles in tow being drug along by the little girl whose hand was being swallowed by his much bigger one

Guiding Elsie and Lorelei into the library where Isobel was curled up in an overstuffed arm chair that sat in the corner of the room.

"Isobel Love Elsie is here to speak with us and she brought a guest" Richard called out to his wife so as not to startle her

"oh hello and who may you be" Isobel said walking over to relieve Elsie of one of the twins.

"that's why we are here Richard I would like you to meet your niece Lorelei Annabel Clarkson" Elsie smiled tears pooling in her eyes looking up at Richard who just stared at Elsie as if he had seen a ghost

"Uncle Richie I was told that's what you were called" Lorelei said looking at the man who looked oddly like her father

"wee one" Richard questioned looking at obviously pregnant woman that stood behind his sister-in-law

"Aye Richard she is here, and she is alive" Elsie reassured seeing the confusion written in his eyes.

Richard walked slowly up to Lorelei as if he was afraid that if he moved to fast she would disappear. "oh Wee-One I never thought I would see you again and look at you your all grown up now and a starting a little family of your own" Richard sniffled reaching his arms out to hug the woman who looked like the perfect image of the new mother standing beside her with a baby in her arms.

As Lorelei and Richard stood embracing which was followed by Richard rambling on about how she is as beautiful as the day she was born. Elise looked over at Isobel sweat pouring down her face. Swallowing

"Isobel take her" Elise rasped before handing Fraya over to her aunt.

"Elsie are you alright love you don't look too good" Isobel said "why don't you have a seat" Isobel offered nodding her head towards the open arm chair

"Yes alright I just need a bit of rest" Elsie said before slowly moving towards the arm chair.

Before she could reach the arm chair the room started to spin and her vision went blurry. Collapsing Elsie's head ricocheted of the sharp corner of the coffee table placed next the overstuffed arm chair. A pool of Crimson liquid soaked through her pale blue skirts. A angry gash seeped blood from her forehead.

"ELSIE" Isobel cried


	9. Part 9

"Mam" Lorelei screamed turning just in time to see her mother crumble to the ground

"Lorelei take the twins Richard get my Medical bag" Isobel Instructed "Well don't just stand there we don't have all the time in the world to stand around" She barked scaring the other two inhabitants into actions.

Out in the living room Charles and Maddeline where reading a book that Elsie had brought along for the little girl. Suddenly there was a loud crashing sound causing Charles to jump up and dash out of the room without a second thought of Maddie who was following closely behind the large man. Before Charles could reach the door, Richard came sprinting past running for the front door to grab his wife's medical bag out of the boot of the motor.

Bursting into the room Charles found his wife sprawled out on the floor blood surrounding her. There was enough blood that without a trained eye one would have a hard time figuring out where it was coming from. "Oh God No" He cried before he turned to Shield the little girl that had followed him to the library

"Charles take her out of here Lorelei follow him you two don't need to see this" Isobel instructed realizing that her baby girl had followed Mr. Carson towards the source of the thud from Elsie's fall.

"Isobel please save her" Charles pleaded still shielding Maddie from the scene that lay out in front of him everything was moving in slow motion

"I'll try, but Charles I need you to take my baby girl out of here, so I can save your wife" Isobel replied her eyes pleading with the distraught man to keep her baby from seeing the dying woman lying in her mother's arms

Richard came storming back into the room as Lorelei and Charles got all three children away from the horrific scene.

"Alright Richard I need you the help me bandage this gash enough so that I don't have to worry about it she is hemorrhaging and we don't have much time to save her by the looks of things" Isobel instructed before she started the rummage through the bag that her husband brought in finding the gauze she was looking for she ripped some of the cloth from the base of her skirt she ball the gauze up to form a pad a sorts to soak up the blood before tying it to Elsie's forehead using her skirt shredding to ty it down.

"Alright Richard I need you to help me here we are going to have to perform an emergency hysterectomy if we want this bleeding to stop so go in my bag and get me all the gauze you can find my suture kit and my clamps gloves for the two of us cause I'm going to need you to hold her open I don't have any forceps in there and I need you to find me a knife and clean it really good I don' t have my scalpels oh and Richard love a torch so I can see" Isobel was trained to help Reginald with situations such as this one when they ran her family practice together so she was more equipped to work under these conditions. "stay with me Elsie you have two newborns that need you and one big bear of a man that is counting on you and you just got your daughter back she can't lose you again" Isobel pleaded with her new friend once Richard left to grab a cutting knife from their kitchen

In the living room where Charles, Lorelei and the children had taken shelter the twins had been screaming their little heads off all the yelling and loud noises upsetting and no matter how much Charles tried they would not calm down he was getting flustered tears where streaming down his cheeks at an alarming rate Lorelei was trying to keep Maddie occupied. Charles was at the point where he placed the babies in the basinet that Isobel had left out for Maddie to use for her baby dolls and he stormed out of the house needing to get away from what quiet possibly could be his wife dying he got outside before his chest started to heave. The feeling of his throat closing in on itself causing him to run to the closest bush before he lost the contents of his stomach.

Before Lorelei could stop her Maddie had sprinted out of the room after Charles finding him outside hunched over trying to regain some form of composure

"Charlie" she called walking over to the much larger man placing her little hand on his cheek causing him to look up at her as he crouched down on the ground "It's going to be all right Charles Miss Elsie is going to be alright my Mommy is the bestest baby and mommy doctor there is" Maddie smiled wiping at Charles' cheeks clearing them of his tears

"I know Maddie I know" Charles replied his voice shaking with unreleased cries.

"come back inside will you I need someone to read to me Misses Lorelei doesn't do the funny voices" Maddie explained dragging the man back inside towards the room that held his still screaming babies.

"Papa is back my little loves" Charles soothed taking the twins from Lorelei who had picked them up trying to sooth them when Charles left. The twins sensing the calmness that had washed over their father instantly soothed their crying toning it down to a gentle whimpered "that's Papa's little angels" Charles said smiling down at the twins realizing how much Fraya looked like her mother

"Alright I got everything" Richard huffed out of breath rushing over to where his wife and sister and law where on the floor

Isobel didn't say anything, instead she took the knife from her husband to begin the incision to save her new friends life, as Isobel set to her work Richard rigged a way to hold the torch so he could have two free hands to help his wife. "ok I'm in now Richard I need you to hold here and here alright" Isobel was in nurse mode directing her husband as if he was one of her nurses.

"cumail air a 'petal" Richard whispered to Elsie falling into his old Gaelic begging for her to hold

"ok I'm removing the uterus now" Isobel said pulling the enlarged pear-shaped organ from the abdomen of her newest friend grabbing the tiny medal rode she had removed from her hair to heat so that was she could seal the wounds she caused by cutting the offending organ

"alright I will let you stitch her up" Isobel replied before she walked out of the room in a daze taking her gloves off slowly peeling the first glove from her hand then balling it inside the other glove before sliding her first two fingers under the remaining glove and peeling it from her skin before she threw them in an empty bag she had laying around from her medical bag. She then walked over towards the sink and scrubbing her hands till her hands where and angry red from her scrubbing. Tears started to pour down Isobel's face she refused to wipe them away figuring that if she ignored them they would go away. When she was done scrubbing her hands her fingers gave off a burning kind of numb feeling she made it as far as the dining room table before she collapsed on the ground a broken sob escaping her lungs.

"Isobel" Richard called walking into the kitchen to find his wife laying on the floor sobs shaking her thin frame "Isobel my love you saved her she is all right now no more tears my love"

"She almost died Richard and what we did was so risky that she could die from us trying to save her it will be all my fault I delivered those babies and I might have just risked their mother's life and I know what it feel likes to lose the person you love and I never would wish anything like that on anyone and here I am running the risk of giving the man hope when his wife's life is still hanging in the balance" Isobel sobbed whipping around to face her husband standing abruptly she glared at Richard angry tears leaving tracks down her red swollen cheeks

"but she hasn't, and we will monitor her twenty-four seven until she is well again we will make sure she gets to go home with her husband and her babies and that she has more time with Lorelei the daughter she just got back" Richard soothed

"but…., but what if she doesn't make it what if it's all my fault and I could have caught it sooner and prevented all this" Isobel cried

"you couldn't have you know as well as I do that these things just happen sometimes" Richard soothed

"I know but I can't help but think this is all my fault" Isobel sniffled

"well it is not your fault what so ever" Richard soothed reaching out to take his wife into his arms "I love you Isobel Clarkson" Richard said kissing her forehead

"I love you Richard Clarkson" Isobel replied kissing him passionately in the lips

After Isobel calmed down they went back into the library.

"alright on my count we move her" Isobel stated "ready one……. two………… three" Isobel instructed before her and Richard lifted Elsie gently up onto the make shift gurney to transport her to the guest room where she will be staying while they watch over her

Once they got Elsie in the guest room bed the room next to where she had given birth in, they went to get Charles together Isobel deciding that she needed her husband's support to inform their new-found friend about his wife's condition.

"how is she" Charles practically begged Isobel and Richard the minute they set foot in the door

"Lorelei can you please take Maddie out of the room while we talk to Charles" Richard asked before answering Charles pleading eyes. "she is steady right now she will need to be monitored and we are going to keep her it's to risk right now to transfer her to the hospital." Richard replied reaching out to hold his wife's hand

"Charles do you know what a hysterectomy is" Isobel tried thinking that if her knew ahead of time that it would make things easier on her

"vaguely why" Charles replied

"you see Elsie she had a hemorrhage of the uterus and we were forced to operate on her in the library we had to remove her uterus in order to save her life" Richard replied seeing his wife falter slightly

"but she is alright" Charles whimpered

"for now, yes but we aren't out of the woods yet" Isobel replied

"oh god it's all my fault I should have known that something bad could have happened why couldn't I have just listened to her when she was nervous about our having a full marriage, it's all my fault I'm so selfish" Charles started to cry

"Charles it was not your fault and it could never have been your fault these things happen all the time even to women who are in the prime child birthing years" Isobel soothed reaching out to place her hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him

"she is right Charles I remember a case when I first started as a general practitioner a young lassie came in she was having her first baby and she couldn't have been older then twenty-two and she hemorrhaged she lived and went on to have five more children" Richard supplied

"oh, well can I see her" Charles asked holding the twins closer to his body

"yes, you can I'll take you Richie can you go inform Lorelei about what happened but please don't bring Maddie too far into it" Isobel looked up to her husband as she took Theodore from Charles allowing Charles to have a break from holding both twins

"of course, love" Richard replied pecking his wife on the cheek

"now keep in mind Charles she is asleep, and she looks paler then normal due to the amount of blood she lost" Isobel warned before she opened the door leading to the guest room for Charles to step in

"oh my darling" Charles whimpered looking towards the bed where his wife lay looking smaller than he remembered her looking her hair spread around her head in a halo shape making her look angelic the thought made his stomach lurch upon the realization that he almost lost her and that her survival is still unknown. Sitting down on the edge of the bed Charles carefully bent over Fraya still in his arms her placed a gentle kiss to his wife's forehead a tear slipping from his eyes "I love you Elsie Mae Carson please don't leave me and the twins I don't know what I would do without you. you still need to get to know Lorelei she needs her mother. You need to fight for use love please fight for us" Charles whimpered sniffing back his tears holding in a gut-wrenching sob. "please don't leave me"


	10. Part 10

An hour later Charles refused to leave Elsie's side holding the twins as close to himself as possible refusing to let anyone hold them. The twins had started to get fussy wanting to be with their mother missing the sound on her heart beat.

"Charles are you sure you don't want me to take them" Isobel offered for the what felt like hundredth time in the last hour

"no, I'm fine it's around the time that they should be fed" Charles brushed it off even though his mind was going crazy trying to figure out how he was going to feed them

"I don't wish to sound impertinent Charles but how do you plan on feeding them" Isobel tried reaching her hands out for Charles to hand her at least one of the twins

"I don't know yet, but I will figure it out I will I promised Elsie I would take care of them if anything ever happened to her, so I will figure it out until she is well enough to feed them herself" Charles replied holding the twins closer to his body

"let me help you Charles I have some left-over supplies from when Maddie was a baby let me help you Charles it's what Elsie would want and what she does want" Isobel tried

"you sound like she is dead" Charles mumbled looking down towards the twins who were at this point wailing their little round faces bright red with their efforts

"she isn't Charles and we are doing everything to help her fight but I need you to let me help you because those babies are your wife's miracles and if I know anything about our Elsie she would wish you to do anything and everything to help them even if that meant asking for help" Isobel soothed reaching out towards Charles again final succeeding in taking one of the twins from his arms and into hers

"now Charles I'll go look to see what I have left over I believe Richard gave me an experimental pump that we could use to get milk for the twins so that was they can still have fresh milk" Isobel said before looking down at little Fraya who was screaming her little head off in Isobel arms turning and nuzzling into Isobel's chest "I'm afraid I don't have what you are looking for anymore little one" Isobel chuckled brushing her fingers lightly over Fraya's soft cheek "I'll be right back I'm going to ask Richard if he could look in the attic for the bottles and pump"

"O... Ok" Charles murmured looking as lost as the minute he saw Elsie collapsed on the ground three hours earlier

"Everything will be alright Charles I just know it will" Isobel soothed once more before walking out of the room to go find her husband

"Richard love can I borrow you for a second" Isobel called into Maddeline's room where Richard and Lorelei where keeping the ten-year-old occupied.

"sure love" Richard replied groaning as he stood from his position on the floor

"Richard, I need you to go find the pump and bottles from when I was sick after Maddie was born" Isobel instructed as Richard closed the door behind him

"I'll see what I can do but I don't think it's up there anymore" Richard replied looking down at little Fraya in his wife's arms "if we don't have one I'll run down to the hospital we have one on handy for our unfortunate case" Richard replied before kissing his wife's cheek

"I Love you" Isobel replied kissing his lips

"I love you too Issy" Richard replied

"Alright Richard is going to look for it and if he can't find it he is going to the hospital for our extra" Isobel explained walking into the room

"thank you Isobel I'm glad you could talk some sense into me because I don't know what I would do without your help" Charles murmured as Isobel walked into the room his daughter in her hands still fussing and ripping at Isobel's blouse trying to get to food " I know love Uncle Richie is trying to get you some food love" Isobel soothed brushing her hand across Fraya's cheek

"I wonder do you think just this once we could you know ummm. *cough*... Rest them on her we could ahh hold them of course but just so they ahh can be fed" Charles fumbled his cheeks becoming bright red from the embarrassment

"I think that just this once it will be alright but ummm we will have to cover Elsie up somehow I think I have a cover in my blanket chest" Isobel replied smiling reassuringly at Charles

"Alright I guess I'll ummm ahh get her ready then" Charles coughed walking over towards the bed that his wife lay resting on reaching to unbutton the nightgown Isobel had loaned Elsie since the dress she was wearing was spoiled by the blood. Theodore continued to whimper in his father's arms "I know my boy Papa is working on getting you something to eat but Mammy isn't feeling well right" Charles tried to soothe his son while unbuttoning his wife's nightgown something he never thought he would do in this context.

"found it I put it in here for travel after Maddie grew out of it" Isobel Chuckled walking to the head of the bed where Charles stood with little Theo in his arms. "Alright Charles if we are going to do this I need you to do everything I say alright" Isobel instructed

"I'll do anything for my family you know that" Charles replied looking Isobel in the eyes

"Alright all you have to do really is lay them bottom facing you they will latch themselves, but you need to support their bottom like this the rest they will take care of" Isobel instructed placing Fraya against her mother's chest allowing the infant to latch on Charles following suite with Theo. The twins latched and ate hungrily. With practice easy Isobel removed one of her hands to grab the cover, allowing Elsie to be covered up from the cold.

Once the babies where done eating they settle down some but where still fussy given that they had truly been held by their mother they could tell something was wrong. Richard had returned from the hospital pump and bottles in hand along with some supplies for Elsie's recovery. Isobel seeing the stress Charles was taking upon himself trying to stay as calm as possible realized that even though it was the last thing the man would want he need time away from his ill wife.After a fight on Charles end not wanting to leave his wife Isobel forced Charles from the guest room, affording Lorelei time to sit with her mother, while Isobel watched over the twins with Richards help, and Charles' protective presence watching over them while he entertained Maddeline with a tea party.

"Richard love we need to get him so listen to reason he is of no good to his wife or newborn children if he refuses to take care of himself" Isobel whispered to her husband

"Isobel I understand that but I can't very well force the man to eat or sleep and no I will not give him a sedative" Richard replied

"You know I can here you I may have been a butler for a majority of my adult life but I know when and when not to listen into conversations" Charles butted into the conversation between the Clarkson's

"Right sorry, But Isobel is right you won't be of any good to Elsie or Fraya or Theodore if you refuse to take of yourself" Richard replied

"I understand that Richard but do tell me would you be ever have an ounce of hunger if the love of your life was lying in the other room fighting for her life only a week after the taxing birth of you two babes tell me Richard would you want anything to do with food or sleep till you knew Isobel was ok that she was back safe in your arms where she belongs when you had just gotten used to her being in your arms every time you when to sleep and knowing that she won't be next to you when you sleep at night until she finally wakes up from this horrible nightmare that I am living in right now. Oh and on top of all of this I'm not even trusted with my own children let alone watching over my wife because I'm too tired for any of this but neither of you are me so you don't understand that I won't be able to sleep until I know that my wife the reason I draw breath every morning the mother of my precious babes is ok and that she will come back to us" Charles growled standing from his seated positon next to Maddie walking over to where his children lay in the bassinet Isobel brought into the den for them picking up his babies Charles stalked towards the door "I'm sorry for speaking out of term Mrs. Crawley but you of all people should understand what it must be like watching the person you love fight for their life when they have so much ahead of them and no matter how much you wish it was you that was suffering you can't do anything but sit with them and be with them till they are safe and back in your arms where they belong" Charles left the room walking back into the guest room that housed his wife and adoptive daughter as he has grown to calling Lorelei

Back in the den with the Clarkson's and Maddie

"Maddie Darling I believe its way past you bedtime young lady" Isobel gently informed her daughter standing fighting back tears

"Issy love" Richard tried reaching out his wife who just shrugged him off

"I've got to get Maddeline to bed Richard but you should come say goodnight love" Isobel replied

"Alright love" Richard replied standing and following his wife and child as Maddie grumbled about not being tired as she yawned her way down the hallways of Crawley house

In the room that held the Carson family

"Becky lass let's play a game" Elsie faked a smile at her mentally challenged younger sister "we're going to play hide a seek ok I want you to hide from Da and I don't make a peep or move at all till I find you ok can you do that for me love" Elsie smiled before gently pushing her in the direction of the doorway through the kitchen

"Ok Elsie" Becky smiled before running off away from her sister

Standing up Elsie brushed a stray tear from her cheek her father wasn't in a good this afternoon one of the far left corner of the Hughes' land had caught fire that morning leaving them with three quarters of the wheat and corn they need to survive the winter and to pay the bills he would be coming home drunk and whenever he came home drunk bad things happened. Ever since her MaLauretta Hughes died during the birth of Elsie's stillborn brother, Elsie was left to deal with her father's angry drunken spurts while taking care of the household and Becky.

"Elsie" Declan Hughes called stumbling into the house "Answer me child Declan slurred getting more and more frustrated by the second

"Coming Da" Elsie called holding back tears and plastering a relaxed smile Elsie walked out to her father "I have your supper sitting on the table for ye Da" Elsie smiled walking towards the kitchen table

"You take such good care of me Lassie Just like your mam always did" Declan slurred caressing his Daughters cheek before turning towards the food sitting out in front of him "what is this shite ye ken I can na eat this shite are ye trying ta kill me girl" Declan roared flinging the plate against the wall standing and smacking Elsie across the cheek tossing Elsie back onto the ground

"I'm sorry Da I…I'll fix it I promise I...I'll do better I p…promise" Elsie whimpered shielding her face with her trembling arms as her father rammed his size twelve foot into her rib cage momentarily knocking the wind out of Elsie's lungs. Struggling to stand Elsie limbed towards the corner of the kitchen as far away from her father as she could be without running because if she ran it would only make it worse for Becky when he eventually found her

"I'll make ye a whole new Dinner" Elsie stuttered practically begging her father to calm down

"I've done everything for ye girl I've kept a roof over your ungrateful head and that dumb one's head. I've never wanted a daughter let alone an ungrateful one and a dumb one that can't do anything, but your mother failed as a woman and I'm stuck with trying to marry a disobedient woman off so I can at least get something out of this shite marriage" Declan roared rearing his hand back before bringing it to crack down across Elsie' other cheek back handing her so hard she stumble into the counter further injuring her already bruised ribs before he staggered off out of the front leaving Elsie to sink down to the floor tears streaming down her face as she held her side in pain

The next thing Elsie felt was a sinking feeling like she was stumbling down a never ending tunnel into an unknown darkness but that didn't matter to her anything was better than being in what she had for a childhood as far away from Declan Hughes as possible.


	11. Part 11

"One last push petal then your baby should be here" Richard encouraged

"Gahh" Elsie screamed pushing with all the energy left in her exhausted body

" they're finally here Els our baby is finally here" Benjamin chuckled tears pouring from his eyes he wasn't supposed to be in the room when Elsie gave birth but when His brother informed him that his child was coming out the wrong way round he wanted to be there to support his wife through the pain. Kissing Elsie's sweat drenched forehead Benjamin hadn't noticed how quiet the room had gotten

"Oh Richie give me my bairn I want to see my baby" Elsie sighed reaching her weakened arms out for the lifeless baby in her brother-in-law's hands. Within seconds something clicked in Elsie's brain and she noticed the purple looking baby laying lifeless on the bed between her legs as her brother-in-law tried tirelessly to bring the child to life "Richard what's going on why isn't my baby crying" Elsie was distraught at this point trying to sit herself up to get a better view of what was going on between her legs

Silence filled the tiny master bedroom of the farm house as Richard moved over to the corner of the room trying desperately to coax the little baby to breathe "Come on Laddie breathe for Uncle Richie" Richard begged pleading for his nephew's life trying to clear the babies already clear airways

"Damn it Richard answer me is my baby alright" Elsie screamed the inner mama bear that was lying dormant ever since she placed Becky in care finally awakening from the threat that was slowly taking her long awaited for son from her

"Els Love let Richard do his job I'm sure everything will be just fine" Benjamin tried to reason with his wife if only to keep his emotions in check. Holding his sobbing wife Benjamin silently prayed for the life of his son.

"Let go of me you bastard that's my baby he's my bairn I can't lose him too please God not my baby" Elsie wailed gripping her husband's arms anything to keep her from passing out

"I'm so sorry Petal but there is nothing more I can do for him the cord was wrapped around his neck for too long Love, he was dead before he left the womb" Richard sniffed turning towards the distraught mother the woman he called sister

"NNNNOOOOO MY BABY PLEASE" Elsie wailed sobbing Elsie reached her hands out for her lifeless son who lay in his uncle arms "give me my baby Richard I want to see my bairn" Elsie demanded

"Aye" Richard replied reluctantly handing the child to its mother after delivering the after birth, so she could have some time with her son before she had to let him go forever.

Richard left the grieving parents to say their goodbyes to their newborn son tears slowly streaming down his whisker covered cheeks knowing how hard it is to say goodbye to a child for the very last time.

Four years ago, Richard Clarkson was married to a woman that he believed was the love of his life they had a daughter she was five months old when she died alongside her mother. The Clarkson girls had caught the swine flu at the time Richard had no way of curing them with Saroise only being five months old she couldn't fight it off which only killed her mother's will to fight leaving Richard a widower with an empty nursery and a broken heart.

"I'm so sorry balach leanaibh" Elsie sobbed holding her son to her breast bending over to smother him in kisses

"It's all going to be okay mo ghaol he is in a better place now" Benjamin whispered into her hair his voice cracking as tears flooded her hair "well no thanks to you if we're being honest because if it weren't for you he wouldn't even have to be in that place without us already long gone I can't believe you your such a failure of a mother you had one job keep my son safe and you can't even do that I should never have married you" Benjamin growled turning his back towards Elsie in a fit of rage

"I didn't want this…I…I only wanted what is best for my baby……. I…. I didn't mean to" Elsie sobbed holding her son closer to her body rocking him gently

"yes well if you could have been a proper mother our son would never have died before her even left your body you couldn't keep him alive when your where carrying him how do you think you were supposed to take care of him outside of your body" Benjamin growled reaching down to rip his son from his wife's arms causing Elsie to scream

"No please don't take my baby" Elsie screamed trying to reach out for her son, but something seemed to be holding her back no matter how hard she tried to just couldn't reach Benjamin or Fergus and before she knew it was a tumbling back into the darkness.

Present

Charles sat up in the chair he placed between the bed his wife lay on and the twins bassinet when he heard to faint whimpering coming from his wife's sleeping form.

"oh, Elsie my love" Charles murmured standing to lay on the bed next to his wife hoping that his presence would sooth her whimpering. Isobel and Richard both said not to wake her up under and circumstances, so she could get as much rest a possible, so her body can heal as fast as possible."that's it your safe our babies are save Lorelei is safe" Charles soothed kissing her head as she drifted back into a peaceful sleep

Elsie was pacing around with a fussy four-month-old Lorelei in her arms. The baby suffering from colic refused to sleep for long then ten minutes at a time she would only sleep if she was being held by one of her parents preferably her mother.

"oh, mo ghaol" Elsie murmured kissing her wailing infant

"Elsie love why don't you let me take the little lassie so that way you can run to the market have a break for a little bit" Benjamin offered reaching out to his wife for his daughter.

"aye" Elsie sighed kissing her daughter one last time and handing her off to her father before kissing her husband's cheek and grabbing her travel cloak and the keys to the barn to get the wagon and horse for the trip to town

When Elsie reached town, she went straight to the market to pick up the groceries for the next few weeks she couldn't stand being away from Lorelei for too long, so she decided she would run her other errands later when she could take Lorelei with her

Back at the Clarkson residence

Benjamin finally got Lorelei to calm down enough to sleep on his chest in their living room she was snuggled inside her father's shirt the skin on skin contact soothing her enough to sleep. The drowsiness of sleep deprivation from the weeks of Lorelei's struggle with colic he slowly fell asleep by the hearth in his and Elsie's living room his hand fell from the arm of the sofa he was perched on nocking Elsie's knitting basket over and causing a ball of yarn to roll into the fire within seconds the string ignited catching the rug on fire. Their farm dog Rusty notice the danger and started barking crazily alerting his master of the approaching danger.

Feeling the heat on his hand Benjamin bolted awake to the sound of a crackling fire and a barking dog his first instinct was to run. Securing his daughter in his grasp Benjamin called for the dog and ran out the front door. Lorelei started to scream from the sudden movement and excitement coming from her father.

"Ssshhh my petal It's all going to be all right" Benjamin soothed before something snapped in his brain and he rain for the field taking his daughter with him and leaving his life behind. He believed he was finally manly enough to let his wife be free and not held down by him and their children something he knew she never wanted.

As Elsie drew closer and closer to her home she saw more and more black smoke billowing in the air above where her farm house lay.

"No oh Please God No" Elsie yelled snapping the strap forcing the horse to move faster hurtling herself towards her farm as fast as possible.

When she finally reached the burning remains of her house Elsie jumped off the horse and dashed for the ashes without thinking Elsie ran full force into the front door of the burning building

"BENJAMIN" Elsie screamed tears pouring down her cheeks Elsie didn't care about the heat of the flames all she wanted was her husband and her baby girl. Elsie collapsed on the floor of the burning farm house sobbing as she went

"ELSIE" Richard screamed running into the building after his sister-in-law knowing that if his brother was in there he was dead by now along with his niece, but he would be damned if let his sister die too. Richard grabbed Elsie's sobbing form as she kicked and screamed wanting to die along with her husband and child finding no reason to live anymore

"Let me go Richard I wanna be with my family let me go damn it you bastard" Elsie scream hitting Richard with all her might

"trust me lassie you need to live so the memory of my brother and your children can live on" Richard soothed moving Elsie and himself as far away from the burning build as was possible. Placing Elsie on the ground Richard held her back from running back into the burning ash.

"My baby" Elise screamed before falling to her knees into a pit of darkness


	12. Part 12

Flashback

Elsie huffed walking up and down the servant stairs everyday multiple times a day was starting to take its toll on her aching body being this pregnancy was different from her other two it was more tasking then she remembered. She walked around with the constant fear that something would happen to her beloved baby. She was only five months along she hadn't felt the baby move yet she feared the worst. She refused to talk to Charles about the spotting of bleeding she has had for the past few days she didn't remember having spotting in her first two pregnancies. But with her age and her history with miscarriages, and on top of everything else Charles was starting to distance himself from her and she was nearing her sixth month and had yet to feel their bairn move.

She was going to find Charles to let him know she was getting ready to head into town for her appointment before she went to pick up her new maternity corset that she was fitted for last week. She took a half day, so she was going to head home after her appointments and relax it was Charles' idea he didn't want her lifting a finger if she didn't have to he was so attentive to her every need just a week ago and now it feels like he wants nothing to do with her as of late. Elsie felt like she was alone in this pregnancy like he no longer cared about the wellbeing of her and their child.

"Barrow have you seen Mr. Carson" Elsie asked the under-butler

"I believe he is in the library Mrs. Carson" Thomas replied smiling at her.

"Thank you, Thomas," Elsie replied before striding off towards the doors to the library

Pushing open the massive door that led to the library Elsie spotted her husband standing at attention in the corner of the massive room walking towards him Elsie's hand unconsciously moved to rest on her stomach as if she was protecting the baby within

"I just came to inform you that I'm heading out for the day, so I have plenty of time to make it to the hospital for my appointment

"Alright I will see you when I get home this evening don't wait up though it might be a late night" Carson responded before standing back at attention

Sighing Elsie walked out of the library back towards the green baize doors. Wiping at a tear that rolled down her cheeks Elsie opened the green baize door Thomas noted the way she carried herself he always felt protective of the housekeeper she was like a mother to him especially after his attempted suicide he decided that he would have a word with the butler whether that put him on Carson's bad side he didn't care as long as it made Mrs. Hughes happy again he would do anything.

"So, have you felt the Bairn move yet Elsie" Richard asked as he gently pressed around her abdomen feel for the size of her uterus

"No" Elsie choked quietly

"I'm sure everything is alright lass the bairn might just be a gently babe" Richard soothed stopping what he was doing to envelope Elsie in his arms "what is it lass" Richard cooed

"I'm afraid that the child that I carry is gone from me before I even had a chance to meet them just like Fergus and I couldn't survive that not again Richard" Elsie sobbed

"I promise you lass we will do everything in our power to protect this child from any harm that may befall it" Richard soothed "I feel as though that isn't all that has you upset lassie" Richard stated

"It's Charles he went from being very attentive to acting as though he didn't care at all" Elsie sniffled

"I'm sure it's nothing Petal he's probably just worried" Richard replied

"I hope you right Richard" Elsie sighed before looking up at him and smiling "How is my bairn Richie" Elsie smiled wiping her tears

"just swimmingly love" Richard replied "I tell you what I can give you an extra Stethoscope that we have laying around here it's Isobel's old one you take it home with you and whenever you wish you can hears the babies heart beat just place it on your lower abdomen. Now you may have to move it around at little sometimes cause babies like to hide" Richard chuckled before walking over and grabbing the stethoscope from his office to give to Elsie.

"thank you, Richard," Elsie smiled taking the instrument from him before pulling her skirt s back down and standing to walk to reception desk to schedule her next visit

"anytime lassie" Richard smiled

Picking up her new corset Elsie walked back to her house to rest for the remained of her day off before she had to get up to make supper

Changing into a house dress that was of looser fit Elsie sighed with relief laying down on her bed stroking her abdomen as she lay there trying to sleep reaching over Elsie grabbed the stethoscope off her night stand where she placed it upon her arrival home. Placing the ear pieces into her ears Elsie held the cold drum to her bare abdomen. Closing her eyes else allowed the tears to silently fall as she listen to the gentle thudding of her child's heartbeat. Smiling Elsie fell into a peaceful sleep listening to the drumming of her child heart.

Charles walked into their shared cottage at eleven that evening to hear Elsie humming in the bath. Smiling to himself Charles walked into their bedroom sitting on the bed removing his jacket and his shoes Charles stood to undress walking towards the bathroom as he removed his clothing folding them neatly and grabbing his pajama bottoms pulling them on and leaving his vest on Charles snuck into the bathroom only to be greeted with his wife lying in the bath her head leaned back on the edge of the basin her hands below the water tracing patterns on her bulging abdomen as she hummed a lullaby the occasional giggle coming from her lips as she relaxed in the bath

"what so funny my love" Charles smiled kneeling beside the bath tub bring his hand up to her cheek

"the bairn it's been kicking nonstop for the past hour" Elsie smiled before she suddenly erupted into sobs "oh Charles I thought something was wrong with our bairn I felt as though I was carrying around a dead bairn I feared I had lost our baby Charles I felt like I was losing you I felt so alone and now I know I'm not our bairn is ok I heard their heart beat today I felt them move" Elsie sobbed

"oh Elsie my love you will never lose me I promise it may seem like it sometimes but that's just me trying to give you space I don't want to crowd you and make you feel like a child" Charles soothed pulling her body into his soaking his clothes lifting his wife up and out of the bath careful not to squash her he carried her into their bedroom sat her on her feet and ran back into the bathroom to get a towel to dry her soaking form. Pulling the plug from the drain Charles dashed back out into their bedroom to towel dry his pregnant wife.

As he dried her he kissed every inch of skin as it dried saving her abdomen for last Charles kissed her over and over right below her naval resting his forehead on her stomach Charles began to speak softly to their child bring tears to Elsie's looking up to hold in the tears Elsie caught a glimpse of them in their full length mirror they placed in the corner of the room. Reaching down she combed her fingers through Charles' hair. Gently pushing his head back Elsie whimpered "Make love to me"

Without a second thought Charles stood up allowing her to pull his shirt up over his head Charles lifted her into his arms and carried her over to their bed.

Afterwards Charles lay with his head on her breast as his hand rested over her abdomen waiting to feel their child move for the first time. They lay silently Elsie's hand combing through Charlie's hair.

"she must be sleeping all that activity must have tuckered her out" Elsie giggled shocking Charles in the process

"Elsie Mae Carson our son can hear you, you know" Charles gasped before turning and kissing her belly whispering loud enough for Elsie to hear "don't listen to your mummy she too modern sometimes" Charles chuckled

"Charles Ernest Carson you know you love my modern side" Elsie giggled lightly shoving him before she gasped "did you feel that Charlie"

"I did" Charles gasped "well hello little one I'm you papa I cannot wait to meet you my little love" Charles spoke to Elsie's bulging abdomen before resting his head back on Elsie's chest planting a kissing right between the valley of her breasts before he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep holding his wife tighter than ever before

Waking in a cold sweat emerging from the darkness Elsie felt a soreness in her breast realizing she need to feed the twins Elsie sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed groaning as she stood Elsie moved over to pick up the twins to feed them only to see that they weren't there.

"CHARLES" Elsie screamed turning towards the bed to see her husband's side of the bed empty and remade almost as though he was never there. Fearing the worst Elsie rushed for the door running down the stairs Elsie saw him loading a bag into the boot of one of the Granthams' cars holding Theodore the driver holding Fraya

"you Bastard you can't take my babies from me" Elsie screamed charging him but stop short so as not to harm her son

"I can, and I am Elise after hearing everything that happened to your other two children. I sat back and realized that you are most unfit to be a mother and I refused to have you raise my children I will not lose my children to you because you can't be a mother" Charles growled stepping closer to her

"you can't take my babies you said you would always be with me love me forever. You said you knew it wasn't my fault that I didn't kill my babies. You lying son of a bitch you can't have my babies they're mine I carried them for nine months I have loved from the minute I thought I was pregnant they are the reason I wake up every morning you are the reason I wake up every morning and I can't live without either of you." Elsie broke down sobbing as she tried to reach out for her daughter almost having her in her grasp before Charles' growled

"No don't hand my daughter over to this crazy woman" Charles' deep demanding voice scaring the babies and the driver into yanking Fraya away from Elsie grasp and Charles turned to place the twins in the basket that waited in the car for their journey to the train station. Placing the twins in the basket Charles' turned to say one last thing to Elsie only to be hit in the chest repeatedly by his hysterical wife

"you dirty Bastard those are my babies you can't take them away from me I'll die if you do and then you can have my death on your conscience for the rest of your life you weak pathetic excuse of a man" running out of steam Elsie stumbled back away from Charles ready to make a dash for the other door of the car hoping to drive off with her babies she was determined not to let Charles take them. But before Elsie could grab for the handle Charles grabbed her by the arm yanking her towards him

"you stupid woman those babies in there will have nothing to do with you" Charles growled

"you bastard I will call the police you will not take my children from me" Elsie growled spitting in his face

That was the last straw for Charles he reared back and smacked her knocking her flat on her back hitting her head of the ground Elsie was determined not to let him take her children. Turning Charles opened the car door and moving the basket over Charles sat down slamming the door in Elsie's face as she begged for her children "Please I can forgive you if you just let me have my babies please just let me have my babies" Elsie screamed clawing at the door as the car drove off with her life in it "NOOOOO" Elsie cried falling to the ground screaming as she fell back into the darkness

Waking in a cold sweat Elsie screamed "NOOOO" looking around the room trying to figure out where her babies where, where she was. Feeling a pain in her lower abdomen as she sat up abruptly. Scaring her husband as she swung her legs over the side of the bed not caring about the throbbing pain in her abdomen only carrying about finding her babies and the bastard that took them.

"Elsie love what are you doing your going to hurt yourself please look your bleeding" Charles cried seeing his wife hunched over the bassinet that held their babies

"you bastard you took them from me" Elsie screamed guarding the bassinet as if Charles was going to take them

"what are you talking about love they're right there I would never take them from you it was just a bad dream love" Charles soothed standing and walking towards his hysterical wife

"don't touch me you bastard you took my babies you said I was an unfit mother you…. you smacked me you made me bleed" Elsie screamed backing away from Charles as though she was afraid of him

"I would never that to you I think you're an amazing mother Elsie the best I have ever seen please let me get you back into bed I wheel the twins over to the bed so you can see them but I need to go get Richard and Isobel to make sure you are ok they had to do things to save you and you being in the state is going to rip your stitches you could bleed out" Charles pleaded with his wife

"you promise you won't take my babies from me" Elsie whimpered

"I promise look I'll put them right here" Charles said pointing to the space right next to her side of the bed

"Ok" Elsie said quietly reaching her hand out tentatively for him to take it

Grasping her hand Charles helped her over to the bed settling her down he turned and brought the babies over before she started to get upset. Something happened in her dreams when she was unconscious, and he knew he need to get to the bottom of it for both of their sake's.


	13. Part 13

Once Charles got Elsie settled in the bed with the twins Fraya lying in her lap and Theo lying in her arms Charles left the room leaving the door cracked slightly just in case Elsie needed anything, Charles headed towards The Clarkson's room to inform them about his wife's conscious state.

Knocking on the door Charles was greeted with nothing but the frantic sound of people searching for clothing.

Realizing what he had interrupted Charles cheeks turned an unbecoming shade of red.

"Charles what is it, is something wrong with Elsie" a heavily disgruntled Richard Clarkson called opening the door as she tied the strings of his dressing gown before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him making sure to block the line of view of the bed.

In his embarrassment Charles stumbled over his words "um…. ah... *cough* Elsie is awake and sitting in bed but she had an unusual reaction to my presence and I was wondering if you could help me understand what happenedwhile she was unconscious or maybe you could talk to her you know everything about her time with your brother" Charles looked at Richard who was still flabbergasted by the presence of the abbey's butler

"aye I'll see what I can do but I'm afraid if it is what I think it maybe you'll have to wait somewhere so just her and I can talk because she has to tell you on her own" Richard replied turning around and sticking his head in the door whispering something to his wife before walking along down the corridor to the spare bedroom to talk to his sister-in-law

Before Charles could call after him he turned around and Isobel was standing in her husband's place tying her dressing gown over her nightgown before reaching her arm out to guide Charles towards the kitchen "come Carson let me make you some tea I get the feeling that it is going to be a long night for the four of us

In the spare Bedroom Richard walked in to find Elsie in tears sitting in bed caressing Fraya's head mumbling to herself. He could tell she was fighting with the little girl inside her that just wanted to run and hide away from the pain that she had buried to so deep. "I'm so sorry Da I'll try harder next time I'm so sorry" she mumbled one hand holding her son while the other stopped caressing her daughters caressing her daughters head which she had cupped in her hand instead she balled the bed sheets in her hands draw blood from her nails digging into her palms from the shear force she possessed

"Petal" Richard called quietly walking over and sticking his hand out to caress her cheek lifting her chin up so her face was level with his though her eyes still looked down as though the tears she shed weighed them down. "you're hurting yourself" Richard spoke as though he was talking to a child taking her injured hand in his. "he isn't here Petal and even if he was I wouldn't let him hurt you ever again and I get the feeling that neither will Charles" Richard soothed he kissed her injured hand as you would kiss a child's as though your touch could heal the wound.

"he doesn't need to know Richard I'll be fine in a few minutes I just need a moment to put it behind me again" Elsie sniffle

"I know you can hide it again trust me I do but I don't want you to have to do that again Petal it's not healthy" Richard replied holding her hands in his

"yes, well I'm not losing another husband and my children because of that man so Charles doesn't need to know" Elsie said firmly

"If you don't tell him Elsie and this continues I will have no choice but to tell him for you because it is what's best for you even though that is the last thing I want to do to you" Richard warned before placing a gentle kiss on Elsie's forehead before she moved you head to look at her children in their basinet not being able to look Richard in the eyes

"if you think he needs to know that bad then tell him Richard just know that I may not forgive you for your betrayal" Elsie warned not looking up at Richard

"then I guess that's a risk I shall have to take if it means your husband can help you through what your father did to you because he deserves to know I can see it all he wants to do for you Elspeth is to help you and to be by your side through everything" Richard stated

"Fine if you choose to tell him that is your choice and because I am a woman I have no choice to tell you otherwise" Elsie replied turning from Richard and reaching out for her children laying on the bed next to her "now will you please leave me alone" Elsie held back tears as she curled her body around her one month old twins

"I love you Petal that's why I'm doing this for your own good love you have to understand that he needs to know so he can help you through this you don't have to do it by yourself this time you have someone in your corner that isn't just me or Margaret or Benjamin." Richard said before turning and walking out the door leaving Elsie to her children

"Charles can I have a word please" Richard asked walking into the kitchen where Charles and Isobel where sitting around the kitchen Island drinking tea.

"Is Elsie ok" Charles asked walking towards the door where Richard was standing

"yes she is quiet fine" Richard replied leading Charles out onto the back porch to talk with the butler "this is something else that has to do with Elsie I told her I would tell you this but I think she needs to tell you herself I need you to go talk to her but let her tell you on her own terms you can't force it out of her she will hate you for it" Richard said look into the taller mans worried eyes

"what do you mean you can't tell me what is going on with my wife I think I deserve to know if it in anyways pertains to my wife's wellbeing" Charles roared pacing back and forth on the back porch

"what I mean is this is a personal thing from Elsie's passed that she needs to tell you herself because it is something she doesn't like to share with anyone the only reason I know is because I was there when it happened it happened back in Argyll when we were children" Richard replied "Now I suggest that you go into that bedroom with you wife and be there for her she will tell you on her own time but now you know she has something to tell you" Richard replied before turning and walking away from Richard and back into the house to take his wife to bed they have an early start in the morning in order to make it to the abbey for breakfast with the family on their first day back from the season in London.

Back in the bedroom with Elsie and the twins.

"mummy loves you two little miracles so much mummy will never ever hurt you the way grandpa hurt mummy never" Elsie murmured caressing her babies' faces as they squirmed in her arms

"Elsie my love" Charles called knocking on the door before gently pushing the door open to see his wife cradling their twins in her arms and she spoke to them.

"oh Charles" Elsie gasped placing a hand on her chest startled by Charles' sudden appearance in the door way.

"I hope I didn't disturb your little moment with the twins" Charles stated walking over to the bed where his family sat

"say you didn't disturb anything papa" Elsie smiled playing with Fraya's stomach as she spoke

"well I'm glad you know Elsie my love if ever there was something you wanted to tell me you know I will always be there I will always support you through everything" Charles said not looking up from his son face

"what did he tell you Charles" Elsie asked looking away from her husband a preparing to feed her daughter who was starting to fuss out of hunger

"all he told me was that I was supposed to let you tell me on your own terms and that it was something from your past back in Argyll from when the two of your where children" Charles replied laying Teddy on the bed preparing to change his nappy even though most husband in the 1920's couldn't be bothered with anything that had to do with child rearing Charles wanted to do everything for his children and with his wife minus that feeding part that is.

"Oh" Elsie sobbed looking into her daughter's wonder filled eyes "when you look into our daughter or our son's eyes would you ever lay a hand on them that wasn't out of love. If I left you alone in this world and all you were left with was these two lovely little miracles would hold resentment for them enough to lay a hand on them" Elsie sniffled brushing her index finger against her daughter's cheek as she spoke

"I would never raise a hand to either of our little miracles or you my precious wife" Charles replied reaching over with his free hand and to grasp her cheek in his hands

"well then you are far more of a man than my father ever was Charles Richard saved Becky and I from his grip a few times Benjamin knew about it and so did Margaret whenever I ran from the farm Becky would come with me when I turned eighteen I took Becky and I ran that's when I found out the Benjamin and I were to be married we kept Becky with us for the first year or so then I got pregnant and we didn't have enough room for all of us so we send Becky off to a hospital where she could get around the clock care then Margaret Became a nurse there and Becky was well looked after my father died not long after and I didn't have to worry about his cruelty anymore." Elsie murmured as she lifted Fraya to burp as Charles finished changing his son "you see Charles when my mother died during Becky's birth my father grew to resent Becky he drank and he was an angry drunk eventually he began to resent the fact that he didn't have any sons and in his eyes I wasn't good enough and with Becky's condition I was forced to protect my sister from a young age that's all I have to say and that is all you will get from me" Elsie said before handing her daughter over to her husband taking her son to feed while Fraya was changed by her father

"I'm so sorry my love" Charles replied reaching over to turn Elsie's face towards him needing to look into her eyes to "I will never hurt you nor will I let anyone else hurt you ever again you and our children are safe and yes that include Lorelei" Charles stated before leaning over an kissing his wife on the lips before wiping away her tears. He turned towards his daughter to change her diaper when he turned Elsie leaned over to rest her head on her husband's shoulder their son suckling happily at her breast unaware of the turmoil his parents just went through and came out better on the other side.


End file.
